Blog # 68 Dated: 12 August 2023: Ashok Khazanchi (Nanna Jee) Remembered

 Namaskar. It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. I have been mentally shaken ever since last year when I first learned about the recurrence of the deadly health condition of our sister. She fought the battle while we all prayed for her. She lost the battle and we all were left behind to grieve. My mental condition remained clouded and I could not resume writing. Kaki Jee would read my blog every day and she would tell me that she enjoyed reading them. When I came to Mumbai last year to spend time with her, she asked me why I had stopped writing. She wanted me to continue writing. I wrote some blogs recounting her life as I knew it and posted them in January this year. Since then, I could not make myself write again.

When I heard about the passing away of Nanna Jee (Ashok Khazanchi) my fond memories of him surfaced in my mind. I decided to share the same with you all family members.

I am a Hindu and I believe in the Hindu way of life and thinking. I remember that when we were young and living in a joint family in Srinagar Kashmir, we all lived a life based on Hindu rituals, thinking, and beliefs. Our grandparents had four sons. All the sons got married. Soon, the first three sons had children. Those days, children would happen to married couples within a year or two and then on average, each couple would have at least four or five children if not more. The survival rate of children would not be healthy and that was the reason why couples would not be content with one or two children as is normal with us Hindus these days. And then, having children was considered insurance support for old age. In the background of this approach in life, it was worrisome that Baisahib Jee (Our uncle Pandit Saligram Khazanchi) and his wife Roopa Jee did not have a child for many years after marriage. These days, childless couples consult doctors but in those days, visits to faqirs, sadhus, and mazzars were the norm in such cases. The faqirs would give a charm (called taveez) with instructions about how to wear them. And then there was also the custom of tying some cloth bands in the mazzar, temple, etc. This was followed for Baisahib Jee and his wife although I do not remember Baisahib Jee himself doing all this. Others in the family would substitute and a cloth band would be tied as detailed above.

Baisahib Jee, the youngest son, was different in many ways from his brothers. He was very smart. He was a very good-looking and extremely intelligent person. He worked in Forest Department where there would be direct public dealings. It is normal that some members of the public would not get a fair dealing. Maybe during the course of his performance of duties, some injustice might have been unknowingly meted out to some innocent person. It could have caused a broken heart. And broken hearts of innocent people would cause a curse.  This curse could also be due to some past karma (Kisi kee badh dua lag gayi hogi). In the background of this, he became a father in the year 1954 but the male child born was very weak. The child was underweight and very lean in body structure. My mother Prabha Jee would every day message the body of the baby. The baby continued to be weak and it was apparent that he was not normal. He could not stand on his legs. He would not crawl normally. He would not speak either. Here again, we went to the holy places to seek help. I remember going to Khanqah near Hari Parbat and tying a cloth band there. Also, the tongue of a sheep was presented there to invoke the faqir to help the child gain the facility of speech. Pigeon eggs were procured and given to the child but it did not help. While all this was going on, the normal consultation with allopathic doctors and hakeems were done. Had the child been normal, he would have been given the best education and training.

The child was named Nanna Jee. He had a very calm temperament since childhood. He would silently watch us, his cousins, play. We would love him and help him as much as possible. As he grew, he started speaking with broken words and expressions. He started to walk on his feet. He would however remain silent most of the time. He was like a sadhu in meditation. I have a feeling that in his previous birth, he must have been a great sadhu and he might have committed some ‘paap” because of which he had earned a “shaap” in this birth. When Baisahib Jee constructed a house at Balgarden in Srinagar, he along with his family shifted there. Nanna Jee would come to our house in Chinkral Mohalla every day after lunch and spend some time with us. He loved living with all of us in the joint family.

Our grandmother, Adhi Jee, was a great lady. She was authoritative and a controlling person in our big family. No one would have the courage to face her. Baisahib Jee being the youngest was the most favorite son. The birth of an abnormal child to him broke her. She was not the same person after his birth. She lived for another twelve years after Nanna Jee’s birth. She carried the pain till her last day.

Baisahib Jee was posted at Kangan. Nanna Jee was with him. One day Nanna Jee got a high fever. Medicines did not help. He suffered for three days. The temperature did not abate. Nanna Jee was restless. Baisahib Jee came to Srinagar and brought Nanna Jee with him. He was shown to a doctor but that did not help. It appeared that he was affected by unforeseen evil forces. (Those days it was normal to think along those lines when a young person would suffer a high fever accompanied by body convulsions) Prabha Jee accompanied by me took Nanna Jee to the “Jinn Peer” a short distance from our house near Dr. Pran Nath’s residence. The “Jinn Peer” was seated in a room. There were about ten landline telephone headphone microphone pieces hanging from the ceiling. He would say that he used these to communicate with the evil spirits. As soon as he saw Nanna Jee, he spoke into one telephone instrument. Then he informed us that Nanna Jee had been affected by a fowl jinn. (The fowl in Kashmiri would be called “Kokar”. He said that he must have watched a “Kokur” being slaughtered. He asked us to get three eggs, which I purchased immediately. Then he wrote something on each of these eggs in ink. He asked us to wash each of these eggs in water for three days in the morning. The water was to be given to Nanna Jee for these three days three times a day. This was done and after three days, Nanna Jee was normal.  Later we cross-checked and it was informed to us that Nanna jee had watched their servant slaughter a “Kokur” in the compound attached to the house. Such type of slaughter used to be common in the small towns and villages in Kashmir.

Baisahib jee was a very courageous and wise person. He arranged a peon’s job for Nanna Jee in Jammu and Kashmir Bank. He wanted to ensure a better future and a financially independent life for his son. After our forced exit from Kashmir in 1990, he chose to make Karnal his residence to make it easy for Nanna Jee to live and attend office in a smaller place than Delhi where most of us, the extended family lived. Again, another wise decision. Later, when Baisahib Jee was getting old and he thought it best to place Nanna Jee in an old age care home in Pune. It was a tough decision. But he was right. He had done the best in his interest.

Nanna Jee had special names for us. He would call me TV Baiya. He would call Bairaja Jee Diesel Baiya. He would call our father “Gussa Wallah” He would call Bota Jee and Niku Jee Bijli wallah Baiya. He called Boba Jee as Canada Baiya. He called Jadja Jee without modifying it.

When he was working in J&K Bank located at Regal Chowk in Srinagar, I was working at TV Studio Centre about half a kilometer away. Every Saturday at 1 PM (the bank would be half-day closed those days on Saturdays) he would walk to my office. The first time he came there, he found it tough to clear security. He was not able to express himself. While he was seated there in the security post, he saw me walking at a distance.  He rushed out with a security guard running after him. There was a commotion. I noticed the commotion and saw him in the center of all this. I got him cleared at the security. I showed him the studio block. He watched some programme production. Since this one was a discussion programme, he did not like it. Next, I took him to the Preview theater where the next day’s (Sunday) film was previewed. He liked it. He would come every Saturday afternoon to watch the preview of the film that was to be telecast the next day.  Everyone at the TV Center now knew him. The security would now not stop him. This continued for years. The preview staff would keep a seat reserved for him. He would be seated in the same seat every time. The staff would entertain him with tea and biscuits. The canteen manager (Mr. Akbar a very kind and noble person) would never charge any money from him. After the film review would complete, he would come to my room to say bye. The staff would meet him at the bank and he would help each one of them by speaking to the manager. Everyone loved him.

On one occasion, after he had watched the preview, as always, he came to my room. He did not find me there. Someone informed him that I was there at the Transmitter located on the Shankaracharya temple hill. He left the TV Station and walked up the hill to the Transmitter Station. (It must have taken him about two hours to reach the Transmitter Security gate up on the hill. There at the gate, the chowkidar recognized him and brought him to me. I was shocked to see him. He looked very tired. After making him comfortable I investigated the incident and found out the identity of the person who had caused Nanna Jee to climb up the hill.  I chastened him and the staff rebuked him. I advised Nanna Jee never again to repeat such an act.  

Now having come to the end of my narration, I would just make a submission for future reference for everyone. When the sad news of Nanna Jee passing away was posted in the WhatsApp group, some of us responded with RIP or Rest in Peace. This term is usually for those who believe in Christianity or Islam and other religions which do not believe in reincarnation. We, who are Hindus believe in Reincarnation. We believe in Atma which does not die. It is the body that is lost. Then the Atma finds another body. When a Hindu dies, we pray that his Atma finds a place at the Lotus Feet of Bhagwaan Krishna the Lord of Vaikuntha. In Kashmir, we used to always pray for a dead person with a prayer, “Vaikunthas manj aasney jaaiy” In one WhatsApp group of Kashmiri Pandits, I noticed people writing “VMAJ” and OM Shanti. I would repeat these words for Nanna Jee. I would add what our elder brother Bairaja Jee had messaged in Kool Khazanchi WhatsApp group after Nanna Jee’s passing away. “Hope he will be better off there, than here, where he was unfortunate not to have a normal life.”       

Blog # 67 Dated: 10 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 6

 

Namaskar.

Part 6 of the narration started five days back and continues here.

All of us have seen a circus live or in film or video. The lions and tigers can be seen crouching on the stools and the ringmaster would be in the center. All the lions and tigers would stay on their appointed places and stay there in awe of the ringmaster. Now, in your imagination, substitute these lions and tigers with us four brothers. And you have guessed right. Our sister is the ringmaster here. But there is one difference. The ringmaster in the circus would have a whip in his hand. Our sister would use a stare and occasional word to discipline us and we would all fall in a line. And the words from her mouth would only be soft and gentle. No rude and loud words from her.

We brothers individually have been very strong-willed and authoritative. If you happen to ask anyone who has worked with us, he will tell you how tough and headstrong we were. I will talk about myself here. I used to be very obstinate. Even for minor issues, I would sulk and refuse to take meals. And then I would go to sleep hungry. In about half an hour, my stubbornness would ebb, but my hunger pangs would escalate. I would not know how to back down. My mother would know that I had cooled down but did not have the courage to show it to her. Mother being a mother, she would approach the place where I would be lying down and persuade me to eat meals. I would meekly comply. When I was older, I got some sense (not all) and I would no longer refuse to take my meals. But my stubbornness was still there. That said, one look or a gentle word from my dear sister would melt me. No more stubbornness now. She left after mending me. I am now a better person because of her.

I have written these blogs from my own perspective. My brothers will agree with me about everything that I have written about our sister. Among the brothers, I am the least capable. Our elder brother is very good with the written word as well as with expressing situations. Sadly, he does not write much. Since last couple of years, our dear Bairaja Jee has been in bad health. This worries us all. Our sister, particularly, used to be very worried. The two of them would be always worried about each other’s health and would be constantly encouraging and praying for the other’s recovery. Kaki Jee would always tell us how worried she was for Bairaja Jee.

Our younger brother Baiya Jee, commonly addressed as Photo Baiya or Photo Nana, would be usually busy either taking photos professionally or playing Table Tennis matches on a daily basis. He had been very worried for Kaki jee and would call her regularly. He would fear calling her more often as he was afraid of disturbing her. He would ask for regular feedback from we brothers about her. When I was with Kaki Jee, last year in September, he would call me every day. I would give the phone to Kaki jee, but Baiya Jee would just speak a line, look at her face, and then ask me to turn the phone away from her. He would not tolerate to see her in pain that she was going through. He wanted her to take rest and get better.

Our youngest brother Boba Jee is a class apart. He gets credit for keeping us siblings together. He has been living abroad for the last forty years and more. He commanded great respect from our parents because he was an NRI. He would come to India, dressed in great clothes and carrying nice suitcases. He would please our parents with great gifts. He had gifts for us brothers and our families too. When he would be around, we, other brothers, would get relegated to the background. Boba Jee would do everything to make our parents happy. He took our father to Singapore. Our father was a changed man after his return. He would narrate great stories of “Foreign”. After a few years, Boba Jee wanted our father to make another trip to Singapore. Our uncle did not want that to happen. He was not prepared to hear the “Foreign” stories again the second time. (Our father would add mirch and masala to the stories)  

Boba jee would please our mother by doing everything for our sister, whom our mother loved the most. Kaki jee and the children would get foreign clothes from Boba Jee. Even the meal trays that Sheetu Jee and Sonam Jee when they were children, would use, were brought by Boba Jee. I see one of the trays in Kaki Jee’s flat even now. The rest of us brothers and our families would also be sufficiently gifted.

Boba Jee would regularly call us all on the telephone from “Foreign”. Those were the days when there was no WhatsApp, no cell phones etc. The landline calls were costly. He would always call but we found it too costly to call back. Had Boba Jee not spent money on calls, he would have saved enough to buy another house in Canada. However, we brothers and sister would never have been as cohesive as we are today if he would not be calling us regularly.

When I went to Canada first time, I spent some time with Boba Jee and saw him from close quarters. I saw how caring he was. He would make me very comfortable. It was then that I made a remark to my siblings that “Boba Jee has a golden heart, but his tongue is a sword.” Our sister would always enjoy me repeating my impression of Boba Jee to her.

Boba Jee, a great fan of Amitabh Bachan, speaks better English than Mr. Bachan (remember his dialogues?  …. I can talk English, I can walk English… ) He can also write very well. I would request him to write something about our sister. He will have a lot of anecdotes to share.

Behn Jee, though not a sibling to us, has been very close to us all. We would and will always love and respect her. She was the one, to whom our dear sister would always look up to for guidance and advice. Behn Jee is as much emotionally upset as rest of us all. She would every day find time from her busy schedule to video/audio chat with Kaki Jee.  

Kaki Jee had no ill will or malice towards anyone. We might have unknowingly committed mistakes. She never gave us the impression that she was slighted. She had the great quality of forgetting and forgiving. This included everyone even those who for their own reasons and deficiencies would dare to misbehave with her. She was keen to keep good relations with people from her in-laws’ side and the parental side. She would keep her mind and heart free from any malice. God has stopped sending people like her now. She was truly one in a million.  

Our cohesiveness has rubbed on to our spouses, children, and grandchildren. Every one of them had great affection and regard for Kaki Jee. She would be called, Kaki Bua, Kaki Maasi, Kaki Didi. Everyone would speak warmly from their heart when addressing her or speaking about her.   

I have no courage to pen down details of her last visit to the hospital in the first week of last month. In two days, time, she disappeared from there, leaving only her body for us to grieve that day and for the rest of our lives.

Her pious Atma has taken its place in Swarag Lok at the Lotus Feet of Bhagwan Krishna. Her Atma must be surrounded by the Atmas of her parents from both the “malyun” side and “wariv” side. To me, she is not dead. I can never associate death with the name Kaki Jee. When Sheetu Jee called me from Mumbai on the 8^th of December, first alerting me that her condition was not good and half an hour later informing me that she was gone, I was completely confused. My mind refused to think rationally. For almost the next 15 minutes, I sat down dazed. Then reality set in and I had to inform the big family. I could not write the word – Dead. I wrote, “Kaki Jee had lost the battle of life”. The family was confused and needed clarification. I was asked “What do you mean?” I had no words in reply. I was trying to lessen the shock for myself and our big family. The sad news sunk into the minds of everyone by and by. Everyone was stunned.

I have happy memories of our dear sister. I will share the same with you on my return to Toronto in another three weeks. Till that time and thereafter, I would pray to God to protect us all. May God give us the strength to bear the great loss.

OM SHANTI: OM SHANTI: OM SHANTI.

Blog # 66 Dated: 09 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 5

 

Namaskar.

Part 5 of the narration started four days back and continues here.

Kaki Jee was a great personality. There were good and bad qualities in our parents. This is normal with everyone. Kaki Jee inherited only good qualities from her parents. She inherited beauty, charm, kindness, and wisdom from our mother. She inherited, Godliness, charity, and speaking truth always, from our father. Everyone who came to know her saw all these qualities in her. The carpenters, the painters, my car driver, and any other helpers who would be associated with us, would always address her as ‘Didi’. Her word would be respected by all of them. If she would like a modification done by the carpenter, she would just express herself. The job would be done there and then. A call from our side mentioned to any of the workers, that some work had to be done at her house, and they would rush and be at her home within a short time. Kaki Jee would always recommend a higher amount as payment to the workers than Baisahib Jee would agree to with the worker. She was generous towards the weaker section of society. I have no words to express how good she was treating the house help workers. She would minimize their work on cold days. And then she would always gift them with things that would make them and their families comfortable in summer and winter. I am right now at Faridabad, and we have the same house help that would work in her home. She tells me every day about how much Didi Jee helped her and her family. She sheds tears for her every day since she came to know about her disappearance. 

My driver would sometimes bring us fresh cabbage from his field. He would first give it to ‘Didi jee’ and then only bring the rest to us. We used to get rice from Rajinder Nagar in Delhi. He would always drop half of the bags at Kaki jee’s place, even without us ever asking him to. He had great respect for Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee. He would be very protective of Sheetu Jee and Sonam Jee. He had two daughters of similar age.   

I remember one day, Kaki Jee telling the driver that some of the wooden curtain rods in their flat did not have end caps. She gave him the sample piece. The next day was Saturday, which used to be a holiday for both of us. He came to me sharp at 9 AM. I reminded him about the day being our day off. In reply, he informed me that we needed to search for the curtain rod items for Didi Jee. I dressed up quickly and we left for the marketplace. We visited a number of shops but could not find the desired item. After a couple of hours, a shopkeeper gave us a reference of a factory in Faridabad, about 10 kilometers from our residence. We went to the factory. The owner was not there. The workers said that they can make the desired pieces but would need the owner’s permission. The driver took one of the workers with him to the owner’s house and brought him to the factory. The pieces were made. The driver in his typical Jat language told the owner that the pieces were for the sister of the “Boss”. The factory owner did not charge a penny for the job. (The factory owner had the same sub-caste as the driver.) From there, we came directly to Kaki Jee’s flat. The driver was proud to hand over the pieces to Kaki Jee. In response, she entertained him with tea and snacks. 

Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee would regularly mention to us a very nice person from Jammu District. He was poor but very gentle. I am not aware, of how Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee came to know him. Both Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee would help him and his family as much as they could. He had a family. He sent his young son to Baisahib Jee and Kaki jee in Jammu (probably around the time of Sonam Jee’s marriage). The son was 8 or 9 years old. The father, it appeared, wanted to help himself by having one less mouth to feed. He also wanted to help in exchange of Baisahib Jee’s offer to host their boy. He wanted the boy to help Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee with housekeeping jobs at their Jammu residence. Kaki Jee treated the boy like a mother would treat her young child. He was not asked to do any work. He had carried some books along with him and he would be helped with his studies. The young boy would spend most of his day on the terrace. In the evenings, he would play the flute. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee got him a new flute too. They would help this family whenever the family was going through tough times. 

Kaki Jee would always help their house helpers in their hours of need. On the annual shradh days of her parents and parents-in-law, she would give money, fruits, rice, etc. to needy people instead of the Pandit jee from the neighboring temple. She felt that Pandit jee was not deserving of the offerings, since he was a drunkard. (I had seen Pandit Jee in that state a couple of times and told my sister about him.) She modified the routine, thereby helping people in need instead.

Kaki Jee was always fond of growing plants. She would buy pots to plant flower saplings. She had planted mint in one pot and would regularly update me about the progress. (I had bought her the mint root.) Her most treasured plant would be the money plant. She would be proud to show off her growing plants. She had a money plant in her house in Faridabad. It was in a bottle on the kitchen windowsill. She was worried about the plants even when she was suffering from the disease in Mumbai. When I visited her in Mumbai in September last year, she asked me to check the plant and replace the water in the bottle. She was worried that the plant might have dried off. On my return from Mumbai, I went to her flat and located the plant. It was still alive but barely. I changed the water in the bottle in which the plant was already there, and put it out in the sunlight to help it to grow. While I was in the process, I made a video call to her and showed her this plant and other plants too. She was very pleased.      

This concludes Part 5 of the events involving our sister and the family. Part 6 will be sent tomorrow.

Blog # 65 Dated: 08 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 4

 

Namaskar

Part 4 of the narration started three days back and continues here.

Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee were feeling much more relaxed after Sonam Jee’s marriage functions were over. For all of us middle-class and lower-middle-class people, children are responsibilities, and marrying them off is a big milestone. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee had fulfilled their responsibilities and this was a happy occasion. The fear she had about her own health had subsided. She would take her medicines regularly. She would take all precautions. She would perform Yoga and go for regular walks. She was feeling cheerful. She would go for scans regularly as advised by the doctors. There was a minute part inside her body that needed to be operated out. She got admitted to Apollo Hospital. The procedure was said to be a minor one. The bungling of the doctor there caused the procedure to be unsuccessful. She continued the treatment. A doctor in Max Hospital was able to remove the offensive patch. Everything appeared to be going on nicely. 

Kaki Jee started attending social functions. The precautions continued. She would not over-exert. Baisaib Jee and the children would always be helpful. But in every one of us, the fear of the recurrence of the disease in her system would always be looming. She also had this fear but being a very brave girl, she would never show us her fears.  I remember accompanying her and Baisahib Jee one summer day to AIIMS New Delhi.  She had to undergo a therapy session. Just when the doctor called her name, Baisahib Jee was not there because he had to get some hospital paperwork done. I, therefore, accompanied her. The medical person started fixing the injection adaptor on the back of her hand. When he started inserting the needles, I could not bear to see it. I almost fainted while standing. I took the support of the wall. My face turned pale. Dear Kaki Jee observed me. She asked me not to panic and leave the room. She was bearing the pain but not showing it. Just then Baisahib Jee came and I left the room. Such was her tolerance level all the time.

Time moved on. I had been living in Canada. We were always in touch on daily basis. Kaki Jee was happy, her children were progressing well. Both of them, the children along with their spouses, would bring her joy in abundance. She would prepare delicious dishes for them. In short, she would do everything to keep everyone happy. That way she herself would be happy. Shortly after, Dhruv Jee and Sonam Jee got relocated to Mumbai. Baisahib Jee had by then retired from his service in the bank. Sonam Jee was going to be a mother. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee also relocated to Mumbai to be of help to the young couple. A girl child was born. Kaki jee was elated. They named her Sheen. She looked exactly like Sonam Jee when she was a baby herself. I would call the new baby girl, Sweety because she is a very sweet child. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee would enjoy taking care of the child. My sister looked very happy when we would video chat with each other almost every day. Everyone in the big family was happy too, seeing her happy.

Meanwhile, Sheetu Jee was doing well in her professional career. She had taken up a job in Gurugram. Then after about a year’s stay in Gurugram, Sheetu Jee took a new job and moved back to Mumbai.  Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee were in the thick of “Grahasthi”. There was however one regret in her. She was worried that Sheetu Jee was delaying the process of getting a child. God obliged and a lovely child was born to her. The child was named Anika. To me, she appeared very smart and so I nicknamed her Smarty. Kaki Jee was over the moon, seeing her two grandchildren before her eyes. The children would enjoy her company too. When Kaki Jee was not around, and anyone would ask them where their Nani Jee was, they would always say – in the hospital. I hope that when the children grow up and are able to read, they will look up at these blogs of mine and understand what a great person their Nani was.

In due course, Dhruv jee got a transfer to Bangalore and he along with Sonam Jee and Sheen Jee moved to Bangalore at the beginning of summer in 2022. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee had also plans to move with them to offer them assistance in managing Sheen Jee.

Just before Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee were to shift to Bangalore, there was a Handoo family marriage in Jammu. Everyone except Kaki Jee and Aditya Jee went to Jammu to attend the marriage functions. While everyone was busy at Jammu, the same evening, Kaki Jee felt a weakness and some perspiration. Aditya jee called a doctor at home who suggested that she should visit the hospital for a detailed checkup and some tests in light of her medical history. She went to the hospital the next day. The tests were done and the results cast a gloom all around. The tests were not good. When I heard the update in Toronto, I lost all energy in my limbs. This happened with each and every member of our big family. We could do nothing except pray to God for a miracle. Everyone in Mumbai did everything to help her. Bhai sahib Jee would be on his feet 24 hours a day, every day for full six months, ever ready to take her to the hospital, consult a doctor, go in for tests, and everything else, to help her fight and try to conquer the disease.  Everyone chipped in. Monthly procedures where drugs, what the doctors said were wonder drugs, were injected in her. She was getting better. We all thought that our prayers were being answered and she would be healthy and normal again. 

All of us brothers and the entire big family continued to be restless and worried. I arrived from Toronto and immediately on arrival in Delhi, went to Mumbai to be with her and the family. She looked very weak. It was a shock for me but I did not shed a drop of tears from my eyes in her presence. (She could not bear to see any one of us be in pain.) I would tell her that she would be fine. I was there with her for two weeks and I saw a remarkable improvement in her. On my first day in Mumbai, I observed her being helped to go to the washroom a short distance away. And after I had been there with them for a week, she surprised me that day when she walked to my room, situated across the living room from her room, all by herself. I was startled and got up to help her. I asked her why she had come. She replied that she wanted to see that I was comfortable and also to show me that she was getting better to take care of herself.

This concludes Part 4 of the events involving our sister and the family. Part 5 will be sent tomorrow.

Blog # 64 Dated: 07 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 3

 

Namaskar.

Part 3 of the narration started two days back continues here.

Life moved on. Sheetu Jee completed her engineering degree. She got a job. Now it was time for her marriage. She helped by selecting her own life partner. And what nice people, dear Aditya Jee, and his family turned out to be. I will lie if I do not tell you that it meant a lot of tension for everyone, including our dear Kaki Jee after we knew about this development.  We tried to persuade Sheetu Jee to change her decision, but she did not agree. Ultimately, our sister and Baisahib jee agreed to the match. All of us brothers, along with our spouses, chipped in with the marriage preparations, functions and celebrations. The marriage took place at Faridabad. Kaki Jee was happy that everything went off very well. As days went on, we all started knowing Aditya Jee and the family more closely. We are all proud to have Aditya Jee in our family.  Kaki Jee would always hold Aditya Jee and his family in high esteem. And the love and respect that they would bestow on Kaki jee till the last day of her disappearance has been exemplary and without parallel in my life experiences.

Kaki Jee had probably bad “karam” from her previous birth. A few months after the marriage functions, she started having bouts of stomach-related moderate to severe pain. Doctors were consulted and medicines were prescribed. The medicines would give her temporary relief and the problem would reappear. Doctors were changed, but the pattern continued. She would be very careful in her eating habits and would never miss taking the medicines prescribed. But the problem continued for about three to four years. Then a doctor suspected signs of the dreaded disease in her. We decided to seek help at AIIMS Delhi. Through Behnjee, we were able to get an introduction to a doctor working in the Oncology department in AIIMS. He asked us to come over to the hospital on a particular day in the morning. Kaki Jee, Baisahib Jee, and I reached the hospital at about 8 AM. When we found our way to the Oncology Outpatient section, we found a huge crowd. The doors were jammed with patients trying to rush in. The doctor whom we had to meet was inside the consultation room but the crowd would not provide us even an inch of space to enter. At that stage, I told Baisahib Jee that if we have to get help for Kaki Jee, we should forget the Government hospital. I told both of them that we will be able to find resources for her treatment. We all agreed and we then returned home without even attempting to breach the human wall of patients. The same evening, we planned to seek treatment at Apollo Hospital. The next day we went there and were able to consult one Dr. Gupta (I hope this was his name) He was a surgeon and a date for the operation was conveyed. We completed the process for admission. The next day the operation took place. It took almost 14 hours before we (Baisahib Jee and myself), waiting outside in the waiting room, were informed that the operation was over. One of our relatives, Dr. Mrs. Poornima Dhar, working in the Anesthesia Department at the hospital, would update us periodically about the progress during the operation.  In a few days, she was back home. It was a miracle that she had become healthy again.

A year or so before the operation, she had a fear that her health problem might get worse. Therefore, she started looking for a marriage partner for Sonam Jee. Sonam Jee had already passed her degree in Fashion Technology and had started setting up a private fashion house in partnership with one of her friends, at a place in Delhi near Faridabad. The work had started picking up. It needed investment and a proper business model. Being already in the private business (I had experienced private company issues as I was working in a private company myself post-retirement from government service), it was my view that it would not be a good idea to invest and develop a system (like obtaining GST registration etc. etc.) at that time because marriage/boy / his job and placement would be an important factor. Sonam Jee may look very soft, but it needed my best efforts to convince her. Thank God that she agreed and did not pursue her plan at that time. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee were sympathetic to Sonam Jee’s idea initially but respected my viewpoint too. They agreed with me that for private enterprises, weaving into a government monitoring system is easy but very complicated to get out. 

We are lucky that Dhruv Jee was selected to be a partner for Sonam Jee. He and his family have been so affectionate and helpful. I was in Canada when the match was formalized. I was informed. The marriage date was fixed. We came to Faridabad well ahead of the marriage date. Kaki Jee’s operation took place about a month or two before the marriage date. On her return to home from the hospital, she was too weak to do anything. Our dear sister Behn Jee was a great help. She did a lot to help prepare a plan and get it executed nicely. Her great quality is her confidence and tension-free attitude.  The rest of us all chipped in with our efforts.   Our dear sister Kaki Jee had great faith in Behn Jee’s and our capabilities. She would be satisfied with us all managing various aspects as a great team. About ten days before the marriage, Baisahib Jee and I loaded his car with all “saamaan” and left for Jammu. We two reached our destination in the evening. Dear Raja Jee, the husband of dear Jiga Jee (sister of Baisahab Jee), had already got the house at Chenni Himmat cleaned.  We had the house all set up by the next day. In a couple of days, Kaki Jee, accompanied by Veena Jee, arrived by air. Soon Behn Jee also came. She took over and the marriage was solemnized very nicely. Kaki Jee was very pleased.

This concludes Part 3 of the events involving our sister and the family. Part 4 will be sent tomorrow.

Blog # 63 Dated: 06 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 2

 

Namaskar.

Part 2 of yesterday’s narration continues here.

After dear Sheetu Jee’s birth, life for all of us continued normally. I would visit them at Anantnag on all festivals and auspicious occasions with gifts. That was normal in those days. Baisahib Jee, Kaki Jee, and the baby would also come over to Srinagar frequently. All of us would be delighted. Prabha Jee would do everything to make their stay comfortable. Dear Sheetu Jee would be under her charge. Baigash Jee, our father, still nursed resentment for Kaki Jee. He would repeat that Kaki Jee spends a lot on her clothes.

Now in a few years, it was time for Sonam Jee to be born. It was less tension for our mother at that time. She was wishing that it would be a boy this time. But Sonam jee, a great child, had been earmarked by the Bhagwan Jee to come into our life. Sonam Jee arrived.  Our mother was a little disappointed but all the same, she took it upon herself to take care of the baby. Sonam Jee was a delicate but lovely child. She continues to be lovely and graceful even today. Kaki jee would take excellent care of the two lovely children. In the year 1986, Baisahib Jee was transferred to Hamirpur, Himachal Pradesh. They all, including Daddy Jee and Mummy Jee (everyone would call her Rani Jee), shifted to Hamirpur. Probably Sonam jee started her first schooling there.  She would delight everyone with the local language skills picked up at the school. I was also transferred to Delhi in the same year – 1986. Kaki Jee and family would come to Delhi frequently. We all would have a great time together. Sheetu Jee and Sonam Jee would enjoy playing hide and seek with Raju Jee and Rinku Jee in our Government flat in Delhi (777 Laxmi Bai Nagar). They would call the game as “Aakraman”. The whole house would come to life. Prabha Jee would be most delighted. She would be sad when it would be time for them to return back to Hamirpur. On one occasion, Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee persuaded Prabha Jee to accompany them. She went with them for about a month. From there, they took her to Jwala Jee temple. Prabha jee was very happy and enjoyed the trip.

Kaki Jee was a model daughter-in-law. She did care a lot for her parents-in-law. Rani Jee, her mother-in-law was having serious health problems in the later part of her life. Kaki Jee would nurse her and make her life more comfortable. Despite all the care she got, Rani Jee passed away. Kaki jee took a long time to get normal again. Daddy Jee also was unwell in the later part of his life. He became restless and would not stay inside the house. He would lose his temper if retrained from leaving the house. He developed memory issues and there would be occasions when he would forget his way back home. Attempts to convince him to stay indoors by Kaki Jee, would fail, causing her a lot of stress. But she would silently endure all this and continue to serve him till the last day. Kaki Jee was like a mother to Jiga Jee younger sister of Baisaib Jee. She would always bestow proper care for Raja Jee the husband of Jiga Jee. Kaki Jee was spoken of with respect and affection by all the members of the big family in which she was married to. 

During their stay at Hamirpur, Kashmiri boys studying at Hamirpur Regional Engineering College would regularly visit them. Kaki Jee would always serve them good delicious food. After a few years in Himachal Pradesh, Baisahib Jee was transferred to Jammu. During this time, events in Kashmir had worsened. Their house in Anantnag was looted. They lost most of their precious possessions that had been left in Anantnag. Kaki jee would so many times mention to me the loss of her prized possessions there. She rued the loss of her marriage albums and a digital wristwatch that I had bought for her from Germany immediately after her marriage. I told her many times that I will buy her a new watch but she never agreed.

In early nineties, our dear mother passed away suddenly. It was a shock for everyone. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee flew from Jammu to attend the cremation at Delhi. Kaki Jee was devastated like us brothers. She was too young to lose her mother. It took her quite some time to regain her normal poise. After our mother’s disappearance, our father started taking care of our sister. A change came in him. He no longer complained about her spending on clothes. (She was not a spent thrift but somehow our dad had that impression about her.)

Just a couple of years before our mother disappeared, she had once asked me whether I would take care of Kaki Jee after her death. I had promised her that I would. Ever since then, I always remembered the promise that I had made to my mother and followed it up religiously. In fact, all of us brothers along with our spouses and children loved and respected her. Kaki Jee was our sister but we all treated her as our daughter. As years passed on and her wisdom manifested manyfold, she became our mother. In her disappearance, we lost our mother for the second time in life. 

Time moved on. The children were growing up. Sheetu Jee, a good student, got admission in an Engineering course in Mumbai. Sonam Jee, equally a good student, got admitted to the Fashion Technology course at Delhi. Since the institute was located on Badarpur-Mehrauli road in Delhi, she stayed with us at Faridabad in IP Colony. Kaki Jee and Baisahib Jee made a few visits from Jammu to see that Sonam Jee was not feeling homesick. My wife, Veena Jee, took good care of her during that time. Soon after, Baisahib Jee was transferred to Delhi. He started looking up for residential accommodation. I suggested that they stay in the same colony as mine in Faridabad. It was my responsibility to ensure that she remained in my care and in close proximity. I tried my best to be of help to her. I was there whenever there was a crisis – small or big. I would be the first person she would approach whenever she needed help. And on happy occasions too, I was there. They lived in three different flats in the colony on rent basis. When the owner of the third flat gave them a notice for the vacation of the flat at a critical time (Baisahib Jee’s father, Daddy Jee, had passed away and we were amid the mourning period), I impressed upon Baisahib Jee and Kaki Jee to buy a flat in the colony. We started looking for flats but could not strike a deal. Ultimately, they bought the flat the landlord wanted them to vacate. That settled, at least one tension was over for them. Living together in the colony was a support to both of our families. Our other brothers continued to support her and would make frequent visits. Kaki Jee would be extremely pleased to host us all always. 

This concludes Part 2 of the events involving our sister and the family. Part 3 will be sent tomorrow.

Blog # 62 Dated: 05 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 1

 Namaskar. One month has passed since our dear Kaki Jee disappeared. The light has gone out of our lives. It was a day when darkness enveloped us all at noon. None of us are reconciled to the idea that she will not be in the midst of our lives. A void has been created in our hearts which will never be filled.

Kaki Jee was one in a million. She had grace, beauty, and a very pleasing personality. She was wisdom personified. I have never seen her lose her cool. She was a very brave girl. She would win the admiration of everyone due to her great personality.  She bore the pain of the deadly disease that lasted a decade, with utmost patience. She was the dearest sister to all us brothers. Not a day would pass when all of us brothers would not talk with her. She was the dearest member of our big family. Her disappearance has depressed us all. The depression shall lessen with time but will never go away. Her exalted Soul must right now be resting before the lotus feet of Bhagwan Shri Krishna.    

Baisahib Jee, her partner in life, has been her true friend. They lived together through thin and thick, rain or sunshine, for a shade over forty years. They lived happily together. Baisahib Jee devoted himself completely to taking care of her during the last six months. Very few people can be like him. May God bless him and give him the strength to move ahead in time. His welfare is our welfare too.

Sheetu Jee and Sonam Jee did everything to make her happy and satisfied. Aditya Jee and Dhruv Jee have been like her sons. They all made our sister happy. She would always speak very appreciably about them. During my two-week trip to Mumbai in September last year, she recounted to me the concern and care shown by Aditya Jee’s family and the Aima family. She was happy that both her daughters had beautiful children for whom she would care a lot. 

Kaki Jee shall continue to be a role model for all of us in the family for years to come.

I will herein try to recount my memory of her since the day she was born.

It was almost sixty-nine years to the day and I was in my teens. I returned from school one day and I was informed that I have a new baby sister. I rushed to the room where our great-mother Prabha Jee was lying down on the bed. Our baby sister was lying by her side. I was given the sister in my lap. I was elated. The baby looked perfect. Our mother’s face looked radiant. Her wish for a daughter had been answered and she looked satisfied. Those were the days when the birth of daughters was not really welcomed. Everyone wanted sons. My mother was blessed with four sons before our sister was born. I had heard our mother many times wishing that she had a daughter. She had wished I was born a girl instead of a boy. Our mother was a Karam yogi. She did not know any “paath pooja”. She would work very hard all day from early morning to late in the night looking after us and was the favorite bahu in the joint family. She was rewarded by Parameaswar by acceding to her prayers. A great daughter was born. We called her Kaki. When it was time for admission to school, she was named Sarla.  

We, all her brothers, would always take care of her. She was the youngest of us all.  On rare occasions, we would make her cry as well. Her crying would alarm all elders in the house and we would hide at various places in the house to escape punishment. Gwasha Jee, our uncle, took responsibility for mentoring her. There was another reason why he took Kaki jee under his care. Our father was a person with meager income. Somehow, we boys were being taken care of by the use of big brothers’ clothes by younger ones in the line. Therefore, new clothes had to be stitched for our sister. She could not have worn boy’s clothes. And being the darling of our mother, she would get new dresses too. This would irritate our father. So, he would taunt her. This would upset both our mom and sister. But Gwasha Jee felt that our dad was upset because of these extra expenses. So, he told everyone that he would take full responsibility of our sister’s needs. From that day onwards, he took over and became her mentor and guardian. He paid for her day-to-day expenses including for her education and related expenses.      

This development scared us all boys. We were already in awe of Gwasha Jee’s authority for imposing discipline among us boys in the house. Therefore, we took care not to annoy our sister. Kaki jee started growing up and Behn Jee (Lalita Jee) was there as her elder sister and a mentor. Till the day of her disappearance, Behn Jee remained as her best friend, a guide and a mentor.

Years rolled by. We all brothers grew up, completed our education, started jobs, and got married. Kaki Jee also completed her education. She did Master's in History. However, she could not get a government job. (Those were the days when jobs would be given on recommendation only, we had no one with connections to get her a job) She worked briefly as a teacher in a private school in Srinagar. Now it was time to look for a boy for her to marry. We got a lot of proposals but the Teknis would not match. We had great astrologers at home starting with our grandfather, Thatha Jee.  All of them would do the math and inspect all the aspects of a Tekni. I remember that it took more than a year, dozens of Teknis inspected but none matched. Then, through our mama jee, who was then working in a government medical clinic at Anantnag, we got the Tekni of dear Baisahib Jee. The Tekni passed the scrutiny of the in-house astrologers. It was then shown to another astrologer who was not a professional but was rated highly knowledgeable by our elders (He was working under our uncle, Baisahab, in the Forest Department. He was probably a clerk or an accountant). He also approved of the match.   

The marriage took place with great pomp and show. This was the first marriage in Srinagar of our family to receive a Baraat after decades. At the time of the marriage, the Handoo family had a car, a spacious house, and a landline telephone at home. This was considered to be a sign of prosperity, in those days. Baisahib Jee has been a reserved personality from the day we first met him. In fact, I was deputed by the family to go to see him at Anantnag. I went to the bank there and saw him from a distance. I did not talk to him. I (rightly) felt that he was a good boy. I duly conveyed my impression at home on my return. After the marriage, we all loved and respected him. Kaki Jee was very sensitive to this issue. She always rightly wanted the best treatment given to her husband. To us all brothers and our families, he is like a younger brother. We love and respect him.

Among us brothers, I was the only one staying in Kashmir most of the time. Our parents were also staying in Kashmir. We were all staying together. On all festive and auspicious occasions, I would travel by bus to Anantnag (about 50 km away from our home) to meet my sister and her new family. On some occasions, my daughter Ambika Jee (Raju Jee) would accompany me. We would be treated with great respect by the parents of Baisahib Jee. 

A few years after marriage, it was time for Sheetu Jee to be born. We wanted Kaki Jee to come over to Srinagar in advance of the delivery. This was the custom in those days for the first child to be born at the house of the mother’s parents. But Baisahib Jee’s mother did not agree to our mother’s request. Our mother had therefore to travel to Anantnag to be available on D-day. I accompanied her. We two stayed at Anantnag for a week. A room on the first floor of a building owned by a friend of the Handoo family was arranged for us. Utensils and all other necessities were sent to us even with objections from our mother. Their servant, Mangata, would come to our room at least a dozen times a day to ensure that we had everything that we needed and that we were comfortable. Daddy Jee (Baisahib Jee’s father) would also make at least two visits a day. In short, we were very nicely looked after. Sheetu Jee was born. Prabha Jee was present in the hospital. We had bought baby clothes for her and Prabha jee would be delighted to be taking care of the new mom and the baby. After discharge from the hospital, both the new mom and the baby came to Srinagar to stay with us for a month.

This concludes Part 1 of the events involving our sister and the family. Part 2 will be sent tomorrow.