Blog # 62 Dated: 05 January 2023: Our Sister Kaki Jee Remembered Part 1

 Namaskar. One month has passed since our dear Kaki Jee disappeared. The light has gone out of our lives. It was a day when darkness enveloped us all at noon. None of us are reconciled to the idea that she will not be in the midst of our lives. A void has been created in our hearts which will never be filled.

Kaki Jee was one in a million. She had grace, beauty, and a very pleasing personality. She was wisdom personified. I have never seen her lose her cool. She was a very brave girl. She would win the admiration of everyone due to her great personality.  She bore the pain of the deadly disease that lasted a decade, with utmost patience. She was the dearest sister to all us brothers. Not a day would pass when all of us brothers would not talk with her. She was the dearest member of our big family. Her disappearance has depressed us all. The depression shall lessen with time but will never go away. Her exalted Soul must right now be resting before the lotus feet of Bhagwan Shri Krishna.    

Baisahib Jee, her partner in life, has been her true friend. They lived together through thin and thick, rain or sunshine, for a shade over forty years. They lived happily together. Baisahib Jee devoted himself completely to taking care of her during the last six months. Very few people can be like him. May God bless him and give him the strength to move ahead in time. His welfare is our welfare too.

Sheetu Jee and Sonam Jee did everything to make her happy and satisfied. Aditya Jee and Dhruv Jee have been like her sons. They all made our sister happy. She would always speak very appreciably about them. During my two-week trip to Mumbai in September last year, she recounted to me the concern and care shown by Aditya Jee’s family and the Aima family. She was happy that both her daughters had beautiful children for whom she would care a lot. 

Kaki Jee shall continue to be a role model for all of us in the family for years to come.

I will herein try to recount my memory of her since the day she was born.

It was almost sixty-nine years to the day and I was in my teens. I returned from school one day and I was informed that I have a new baby sister. I rushed to the room where our great-mother Prabha Jee was lying down on the bed. Our baby sister was lying by her side. I was given the sister in my lap. I was elated. The baby looked perfect. Our mother’s face looked radiant. Her wish for a daughter had been answered and she looked satisfied. Those were the days when the birth of daughters was not really welcomed. Everyone wanted sons. My mother was blessed with four sons before our sister was born. I had heard our mother many times wishing that she had a daughter. She had wished I was born a girl instead of a boy. Our mother was a Karam yogi. She did not know any “paath pooja”. She would work very hard all day from early morning to late in the night looking after us and was the favorite bahu in the joint family. She was rewarded by Parameaswar by acceding to her prayers. A great daughter was born. We called her Kaki. When it was time for admission to school, she was named Sarla.  

We, all her brothers, would always take care of her. She was the youngest of us all.  On rare occasions, we would make her cry as well. Her crying would alarm all elders in the house and we would hide at various places in the house to escape punishment. Gwasha Jee, our uncle, took responsibility for mentoring her. There was another reason why he took Kaki jee under his care. Our father was a person with meager income. Somehow, we boys were being taken care of by the use of big brothers’ clothes by younger ones in the line. Therefore, new clothes had to be stitched for our sister. She could not have worn boy’s clothes. And being the darling of our mother, she would get new dresses too. This would irritate our father. So, he would taunt her. This would upset both our mom and sister. But Gwasha Jee felt that our dad was upset because of these extra expenses. So, he told everyone that he would take full responsibility of our sister’s needs. From that day onwards, he took over and became her mentor and guardian. He paid for her day-to-day expenses including for her education and related expenses.      

This development scared us all boys. We were already in awe of Gwasha Jee’s authority for imposing discipline among us boys in the house. Therefore, we took care not to annoy our sister. Kaki jee started growing up and Behn Jee (Lalita Jee) was there as her elder sister and a mentor. Till the day of her disappearance, Behn Jee remained as her best friend, a guide and a mentor.

Years rolled by. We all brothers grew up, completed our education, started jobs, and got married. Kaki Jee also completed her education. She did Master's in History. However, she could not get a government job. (Those were the days when jobs would be given on recommendation only, we had no one with connections to get her a job) She worked briefly as a teacher in a private school in Srinagar. Now it was time to look for a boy for her to marry. We got a lot of proposals but the Teknis would not match. We had great astrologers at home starting with our grandfather, Thatha Jee.  All of them would do the math and inspect all the aspects of a Tekni. I remember that it took more than a year, dozens of Teknis inspected but none matched. Then, through our mama jee, who was then working in a government medical clinic at Anantnag, we got the Tekni of dear Baisahib Jee. The Tekni passed the scrutiny of the in-house astrologers. It was then shown to another astrologer who was not a professional but was rated highly knowledgeable by our elders (He was working under our uncle, Baisahab, in the Forest Department. He was probably a clerk or an accountant). He also approved of the match.   

The marriage took place with great pomp and show. This was the first marriage in Srinagar of our family to receive a Baraat after decades. At the time of the marriage, the Handoo family had a car, a spacious house, and a landline telephone at home. This was considered to be a sign of prosperity, in those days. Baisahib Jee has been a reserved personality from the day we first met him. In fact, I was deputed by the family to go to see him at Anantnag. I went to the bank there and saw him from a distance. I did not talk to him. I (rightly) felt that he was a good boy. I duly conveyed my impression at home on my return. After the marriage, we all loved and respected him. Kaki Jee was very sensitive to this issue. She always rightly wanted the best treatment given to her husband. To us all brothers and our families, he is like a younger brother. We love and respect him.

Among us brothers, I was the only one staying in Kashmir most of the time. Our parents were also staying in Kashmir. We were all staying together. On all festive and auspicious occasions, I would travel by bus to Anantnag (about 50 km away from our home) to meet my sister and her new family. On some occasions, my daughter Ambika Jee (Raju Jee) would accompany me. We would be treated with great respect by the parents of Baisahib Jee. 

A few years after marriage, it was time for Sheetu Jee to be born. We wanted Kaki Jee to come over to Srinagar in advance of the delivery. This was the custom in those days for the first child to be born at the house of the mother’s parents. But Baisahib Jee’s mother did not agree to our mother’s request. Our mother had therefore to travel to Anantnag to be available on D-day. I accompanied her. We two stayed at Anantnag for a week. A room on the first floor of a building owned by a friend of the Handoo family was arranged for us. Utensils and all other necessities were sent to us even with objections from our mother. Their servant, Mangata, would come to our room at least a dozen times a day to ensure that we had everything that we needed and that we were comfortable. Daddy Jee (Baisahib Jee’s father) would also make at least two visits a day. In short, we were very nicely looked after. Sheetu Jee was born. Prabha Jee was present in the hospital. We had bought baby clothes for her and Prabha jee would be delighted to be taking care of the new mom and the baby. After discharge from the hospital, both the new mom and the baby came to Srinagar to stay with us for a month.

This concludes Part 1 of the events involving our sister and the family. Part 2 will be sent tomorrow.