Carrying on with my narrative for Day 2:
I got up normally at 5.45 AM. I did not feel different
because I had missed my dinner last night. The only problem appeared to be in
my throat. The previous day’s ice-cold apple during tea time seemed to be the
culprit. I decided to avoid the cold
fruits or any other cold items in the dining hall in days to come. I took
medication and organized my room. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I left for
the dining hall when the bell gong sounded at 6.30 AM. It was a repeat of the
previous day. I ate frugally. On my return to my room, my last day’s stress during the meditation sessions
came to my mind. I remembered what Narinder Jee and Ambika Jee had told me when
they dropped me at the centre. They told me that if I was stressed for any reason and would like to discontinue, I
should inform the manager, he would inform them and they would come back to
pick me up. I thought about the consequences of taking this route. I thought
that Narinder Jee may be busy with his work and it would be difficult to make
the requested unplanned trip. Second was the thought that if I walked off the
course, everyone at home would be amused and
that I would be taunted all my life. To me the stress of meditation would be
less than listening to negative views of myself in this regard. Simultaneously, I remembered about the garden activities
that I had left for my family to look after, in my absence. I started worrying
about the lack of care and its effect on the
growth of various plants. But then I consoled
myself knowing that my family would not let me down. I, therefore, dropped the idea of returning home.
In light of the above, my 8 AM meditation session went off
well because my mind knew that I was not returning from the course earlier than
scheduled. I was able to concentrate better. My Anapana practice became
smoother. At 9 AM, after the first session was over, the teacher asked us to
continue the medication in the hall itself. At 10.30 AM we were off from
meditation in the hall. This gave me time for taking a shower and going to the
dining hall at the scheduled time. Vegetable soup was available. I filled my
bowl and topped it with curds and some salad. That was my lunch for the day. I
returned to the room. I took some rest.
At 2.30 PM I was back in the meditation hall, like all the
other students. The meditation again started after a brief sermon and
directions to follow during the breathing process. We were told that the mind
is like an untamed horse. We were being trained to control this wild horse. We
were repeatedly told to concentrate. I was more comfortable meditating than I
was on day 1, mostly because I had decided to stay on. At 3.30 PM the session was over. I returned
to my room. I was there for hardly fifteen minutes when I heard a tap on my
door. I opened the door to find the assistant teacher. He asked me to go to the
meditation hall. I was surprised because I had not heard the teacher ask us to
return. I told him so. In reply, he just asked me to return to the hall. I
followed his instructions. I was back in the hall. In a few minutes, the
teacher called me and four other students. He wanted to know how the breathing
process was being felt near the entrance to the nostrils. In reply, I expressed
my feelings. He was satisfied that I was proceeding correctly. Back to my
meditation seat, I made a promise to myself that I will not give another
opportunity to the assistant teacher to call me as he had to do it on two
occasions already. At 4.30 PM we could go back to our room. At 5 PM, I went to
the dining hall. Today, I did not take an apple. I took only one banana and a
cup of tea. While there I noticed that two students were taking out two
containers from the fridge. They had some of the items from the lunch packed
inside these containers. They transferred the contents to a bowl and heated
them in the microwave. When I was observing them, I found an empty container on
the table nearby with my name “Bal” slip stuck on its lid. I understood that
this container was meant for me as I had pre-requested to be allowed to store some food from lunch to eat for dinner, for
medical reasons. I could not do anything at this time
but noted it for tomorrow. Tea done, I left the hall. I spent some time walking
around in the open area. Then back to my room. At 6 PM, I was back in the
meditation hall. At 7 PM, the session was over. After a ten-minute break, we were to assemble back in the hall.
The second day discourse appeared on the screen. We all heard it in silence.
Guru Jee laced his narrative with a lot of stories to make it easier for him to
put his idea across to us. He was constantly
putting the idea of Vipassana much above the narrative of present-day religions
and sects associated with them. He
repeated that during Anapana, we have to keep the attention to the area below
the nostrils and above the upper lip. We have to remain aware of each breath as
it enters or leaves. If the mind is very dull or agitated, we should breathe
deliberately and slightly harder for some time. Otherwise, the breathing should
be natural. This was to be our template for successful initiation to Vipassana meditation.
After the discourse playback was over at 8.30 PM, we had
another half-hour meditation. At 9 PM, we were told to retire for the day. For
me, it was mentally a better and more stable day than the previous day because
I had decided to stay. Sleep was normal. No issues.
The next day was Day 3.
I got up on time. My routine had been set
and I followed the same. While going for breakfast, I was pleasantly surprised to see bread and
butter on a side table. I took my usual oatmeal
in a bowl, a couple slices of buttered toast and tea, as on the previous day. I had a more satisfying breakfast on this day. The next item on the
agenda was the 8 AM meditation. This was done
smoothly. The teacher gave instructions to narrow down our observation in the
lower nostril area during Anapana, to attain
more focused control of our minds.
At 9 AM, after a brief break, I continued to meditate in the
hall. I did not want the assistant teacher to have to repeat with me what he
had done during Day 1 and 2. (Calling me from my room). At 10.30 AM, I went to
my room for my morning shower. At 11 AM I was in the dining room. Today there
was a change in the menu. White Rice and brown rice were available. Some
vegetable soup was also there. And then there was a chocolate sweet too. I took
all these items. On this day, I had a
better and more satisfying meal. After I finished my meals, I took charge of
the container with my name on its lid. I filled it with some rice and vegetable
soup plus a chocolate sweet. I kept it in the fridge.
At 1 PM, I decided to meet the teacher. I went and met the
assistant teacher in the meditation hall lobby. The teacher was in the side
room with a student, who must have been getting
answers for his questions and issues. As soon as the student left the room, I was asked to go in. I was face to
face with the teacher sitting high on a settee-type seat. I sat down before
him. I told the teacher that I had one
observation and two questions. He asked me whether I knew Hindi. When I replied in the affirmative, he asked me to continue in Hindi. First I told him that I am
more comfortable now with the concentration of mind than on the first day.
Next, I told him that when I am sitting during meditation, I am very motionless
for the first thirty-five to forty minutes but then
my right leg calf muscle starts to ache. I have to move it to ease the pain. I
asked him whether I could stretch slightly during meditation. He said yes, I
could. The third question that I asked him was about how I would adjust back to life with my family after the completion of
the course. To this, he replied that all this
would be answered on the 9th and the 10th days. Lastly, he asked me to work hard to reap the full fruit of
the process during my stay there for the meditation course. He also asked me to
sit for the discourse given in Hindi language because that was better and
un-edited in comparison to the one in English that I had heard for the first
two days. Satisfied, I left the room
much happier than earlier.
After the 2.30 PM meditation, when I went for my tea break at 5 PM, I
used the food that I had stored in the fridge during the lunch time. I
transferred it to a plate and warmed it up, before eating it.
That evening, I listened to Guru Jee’s discourse
in Hindi. I liked the Hindi discourse. It was done in a spontaneous and
free-flowing manner. Excellent stories and examples were interwoven in the
narration. During the discourse, Guru Jee mentioned something about “Atma” (soul). I was
curious to know whether “Atma” is spoken of in the same manner in Buddhism as in Sanatan
Dharma. I decided then to ask the teacher about it after the meditation would
be over at 9 PM.
At 9 PM after the meditation was over, I went to the teacher
and put forward this question about “Atma” to him. The moment
he heard the word “Atma”, he was visibly unhappy
with me. He did not even hear the full question. He asked me to concentrate on
the meditation and not let this unnecessary and unrelated issue come to my
mind. Next, I put in another question about the reincarnation of Buddha. Here
he was unhappy again. He asked me to take out
all the garbage from my mind and at least for ten days keep myself clean from
my unnecessary thoughts. I realized that
I had not kept past issues and beliefs away
from my mind as had been asked to do repeatedly.
This was a course correction for me.
I went to my room. I was sad that I had spoiled a good day by asking a foolish question. I could not sleep well. I must
have slept at about 1 AM.
Day 4 onwards will follow in Blog 4.
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