Dear Follower,
Hello. Yesterday, I wrote that about a hundred years ago, most Hindu men would marry twice or thrice as the wife would mostly during childbirth die due to non-existent medical care. Then there would be lot of deaths too due to the existence of TB disease. But the social customs were such that the remarriage of young widow was not allowed. I remember there was a lady in my matamaal, who had become a widow when she was ten years old. And she lived to old age. It is difficult to imagine how such ladies could live and provide means for themselves. I have known one social activist. He was named Sat Lal. He was a professional sitar player and worked as an instrumentalist in the local radio station in Kashmir. He was called "Sata setear" He revolted against the social norms and married a widow. He was the first Hindu to do it in Kashmir. Four daughters were born to him and each one of those were trend setters in the valley in later years. His actions helped dent the rigidity of the society towards such unfortunate woman folk.
Kashmiri Pandits were a close knit society then. There were three main occasions in a family when the near and dear ones would congregate and interact socially. One was the Yagneopavit of children. Near and dear ones were invited to the ceremony. The ceremony would initiate the child (usually by the age 7 years) into a hindu order. He would start wearing a sacred thread from this day. He would collect dakshina called "abeed" from all the elders present during the ceremony and all the money would then be given to the pandit jee performing the havan and puja. To accommodate all the guests, a tent (called sahibana in local language) would be erected in an open ground as near as possible to the residence. To cover the sides to give some sort of privacy, we used to have what we used to call tajeera and kanath in local language. The floor would be covered with flooring fabric and all the guests would sit on the covered floor. Food would be served with everyone seated. Then there would be stalls with refreshments. These stalls would be maintained with supplies provided by massi (boy's mother's sister) and pofees (boy's father's sister). If the boy had more than one massi, and one pofee, each one of them would have a stall. On one stall, we would have milk, on another stall fried loochi, yet another nadir monji, mithai sweets and so on. There would also be cases where there would be no massi and no pofee. In this case a near relative would come up to provide the stalls.
Marriages would always be day marriages. The bridegroom would arrive early accompanied by a large baraat. The bridegroom would be wearing a turban, long coat (called achkan) and skin tight trousers (called churidaar pyjama) Marigold flower maallas would be around his neck. He and elders in the family accompanying with the baraat would be received and garlanded on arrival. Immediately food would be served. All in seated position on the floor under the tent described above. Most of the guests accompanying the baraat would leave after taking the meals. Only a few close relatives of the bridegroom would stay behind to be present during the lagan ceremony. One very interesting custom in those days, the bridegroom party would carry their own arrangements for tea etc. (tea leaves, sugar, snacks etc.) with them. They would loan a samavaar and cups from the bride side and prepare the tea and serve it to their part of the guests during the day. The bridegroom party would leave along with the bride before dusk. There would be farewell singing at that time. Muslim neighbourhood ladies would come and do the farewell singing too. Gifts for the bridegroom, his parents and close women relatives would be sent with the bride.
There were no marriage halls then. All the guests would get accomodated in the houses of the marriage party or their close relation living nearby. Bedding and utensils would be collected in advance of the functions from relatives. Each of these would get marked so that after the function would be over, it would get returned to the rightful owner. The food for the guests would be made by cooks in properly enclosed open ground. Bricks would be used and stacked in a special manner to provide support for the utensils during cooking. Firewood would be used to provide heat for the cooking. The food used to be served in disposable baked earthenware plates called "taku in the local language". These would get discarded after the meals were taken.
There used to be essentially lot of singing with local instruments like "tumbaknaari" during these celebrations. All lady folk would participate. The singing would start in the evening and go right right up to midnight. Marriages and Yagneopavit functions would give the people a reason to send a little money on dresses and new clothes.
Enough for today. Bye.
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