Gigri Jee disappearance. - A tribute in her memory

 Namaskar. The "Kaal Chakra" is moving. It has been moving for billions of years and will continue moving. Movement is life. The moment the movement stops, it signals an end. Brahma created the world; Vishnu nourished it and Shiva destroyed it. Brahma willed it and we all get born. Life is limited. One who is born has to die. The manner of death is dependent on karma. In the background of this, our dear Gigri's time was up on 17 November 2024. She left us all suddenly without notice on that day. But when she left all of us to grieve, she went in a very peaceful manner with the least pain for herself. Everyone wishes a similar way to leave but very few are granted this boon. She was a blessed soul.   

 

I have sweet memories of dear Gigri Jee. I was around six years old when I noticed that suddenly there was a lot of activity in our house in Chinkral Mohalla, Srinagar, Kashmir. I was attached to my mother and would always tag myself to her. This was hampering her in performance of her work and that would irritate her mother-in-law, the great Aadhi Jee.  The reason for sudden increase in the activity was that Gigri Jee’s date for the marriage to Baisahib Jee was nearing. Every day the pressure of work increased. My tagging my mom was now an irritant. My mama jee Shri Badri Nath Fotedar came to our house on a routine. My mother sent me with him to matamaal. He did not have any child of his while at that time my mom had four sons. I do not know whether my mom promised her brother that I was given in adoption to him. He put me in a school and I got the surname Fotedar with my mama jee’s name as my father. I remember going to the school “Ranga Teng” in Nawakadal area. I also remember that he took me to Chinkral Mohalla on the day of marriage of Gigri jee. The image of the bride and groom departing our house on that day is imprinted in my mind. After the marriage I was taken back by my mama jee to his residence. 

A few days after the marriage function, things started getting normalized in our house at Chinkral Mohalla.  Aadhi jee noticed that I was not around. She was informed that I was in matamaal. She suspected that I was given for adoption. She asked her son and my father Baigash Jee to bring me back. Immediate action was taken and he came to my matamaal. I remember he caught hold of me and brought me back to Chinkral Mohalla house. The next day after my return to Chinkral Mohalla, I noticed increased activity in the house. The groom and the bride were to come to our house for meals and an overnight stay. We children were locked in a room so that we would not create a mess. I remember that we sneaked through the window when the bride and groom arrived. Baisahib Jee was looking very smart in a suit and tie. Gigri looked great in a bridal fine dress and jewelry. We children continued to be confined to the room till the bride and groom were there. The next day it was time for them to leave. A”full Tonga” had been booked in advance and when they were leaving the house, all the members of the household and the neighbours were following them in a sort of procession. I remember that I was also part of the procession tagging on to my mother. 

A few days later we all including our relatives were invited by the groom’s family to come over to Vicharnag for lunch. I remember that we all went by bus. I remember that a tent had been erected on the ground in an open public area a short distance from their residence. I remember seeing Gigri Jee’s mother-in-law in the house on that day when my mother accompanied Aadhi jee for the meeting of the two ladies. She looked authoritative. I also remember that I did not eat food there with my hands. My mom Prabha Jee fed me with her hand. Our uncle Gwasha Jee would later refer to this day. It appeared that on this day, there were more people to feed than the number for whom the food was prepared. They had to cut “mutch” (minced meat roll) into two each and then serve to the guests.

 Whenever Baisahib Jee would come to our house we children were put into quarantine. We would not dare approach Gigri Jee. We would always avoid crossing her path. We were scared of her.

 Now fast forward to the year 1963. I had to go to Delhi to follow up on my application to All Indias Radio for a job. AIR had sent me an interview letter by post and it had not reached me. Gwasha Jee suggested that I should go to Delhi and stay with Gigri Jee for the duration of my stay there. This was to be my first trip outside Kashmir Valley. I left Srinagar on 02 August 1963 by bus. Stayed in Jammu for a night and took the evening train to Delhi on 03 August, reaching the old Delhi railway station on 04 August Sunday. I took a scooter and reached Flat No: 525 Laxmi Bai Nagar, the residence where Gigri jee, Baisahib jee and her three children were staying. It was a small one-bed room government flat. I was warmly received. In the evening around 5 PM, Niku Jee arrived from Srinagar by flight. The flight landed at Safdarjung Airport, a short distance from Laxmi Bai Nagar. Baisahib Jee took me along to the airport. Judja Jee was already there. Niku Jee had arrived in Delhi and was to travel to Warrangal for his admission in Engineering college there. Niku Jee went with Judja Jee to his residence in Green Park. Baisahib Jee and myself returned to 525 Laxmibai Nagar.

I was very well looked after. Gigri Jee took very good care of me. The drawing room diwan was my bed for the night. As soon as I lay down, I noticed a dreadful creature on the wall near the lamp. The creature was devouring the insects. The dreadful creature was a “chipkali” (Lizard) which I was seeing the for the first time in my life. I shouted in fear. Gigri Jee came and assured me that it was not to be feared. She shoved it out of the room. Since I was very tired, I slept all night like a log. I still wonder how she was managing to accommodate everyone in that small flat. I stayed with them for about two weeks. She was very nice to me. I remember that on 5^th August, at 9 AM Baisahib Jee took me along with him and we boarded a DTC bus. He showed me the AIR building but got down at the next stop. He took me to his office and ordered a cup of tea for me. He then directed me to go to AIR building on foot. I went to AIR building and met the concerned official. In half an hour my job was over and I had to return to Laxmi Bai Nagar. I went to the bus stop but was not confident that the bus would take me there. I feared boarding the wrong bus and landing at any unknown place. So, I decided to walk back from AIR. It took me almost two hours but I reached the place without any tension. I was not lost and that I complimented myself for. Gigri jee then gave me a lecture about bus travel in Delhi, and then reeled off bus numbers and routes from her memory. I was hugely impressed. To me she was an encyclopedia on DTC bus numbers and routes.

I visited Delhi many times after that. I did not stay with her but every time I would visit her. She was always very warm and made me comfortable. I would seek guidance and she was generous.

I come to Delhi on posting in September 1986. My younger brother was staying in Sheikh Sarai DDA Flat Phase I. I stayed with him till such time that I could find an independent accommodation for myself. Since Gigri Jee lived in a DDA flat in the nearby sector, I would regularly visit her. Then I got a government quarter allotment in Sadiq Nagar. She helped me in settling in the quarter. Since it was on the top floor, she advised that I should request for a change to Laxmi Bai Nagar. Although Laxmi Bai Nagar quarter accommodation was far less spacious than the one at Sadiq Nagar, I followed her advice. Soon I got Laxmi Bai Nagar allotment (777 Laxmi Bai Nagar.) Here again, she helped me set up the house there. She introduced me to all the shopkeepers in the colony marketplace and INA market. She guided me at all stages. She would visit us too often. My parents were living with me and her visits were always welcomed. They were very happy to see her. If she would not be able to come and visit them at least once a week, I was sent to her residence after my office hours and told her that Ded Lal, the name she would call our father, wanted her to come and visit us. She would be there visiting the next day. 

I will recall here a happening that illustrates the coolness with which, she would handle a serious situation. It was August 1989. I was to go to Srinagar on one month’s leave. Just a couple of days before I was to leave for Srinagar, she came to my quarter in the evening. I was then living alone there. She told me that she had promised one Mr. Ganju, who had come from Australia to get his daughter’s marriage solemnized, to occupy my quarter for himself and his family for the duration that I was in Srinagar. She asked me to hand over the house keys to a Kashmiri Pandit who would come to me just before I would leave for the railway station. I did exactly as I was asked to do. I came back after a month and the neighbour handed over my house keys to me. I opened it and I noticed that there was a small water jug and two steel tumblers on the table in the drawing room. There was also an envelope. In the envelope, there was a thank you note and a cash of Rs. 120.00 The note mentioned that it was to cover the charges for electricity used by them. I did not appreciate this act by Mr. Ganju. The next day, I went to Sheikh Sarai along with the jug, two tumblers, and the cash of Rs. 120.00. I told Gigri Jee that Mr. Ganju had insulted me by this act. I said that I had not rented out the place to him. I had given it because she had asked me to do it. When I was expressing myself to her, she could understand that I was emotionally disturbed. She calmed me down by asking me to keep the jug, tumblers, and cash with her. She said that she would return it to him. I suspect, that she said this to calm me down. Yes, I calmed down. This was her power and tact in handling critical situations.      

 Gigri Jee helped us with lot of logistics when my daughter was married in November 1993. I still remember the special patties that she got made for consumption during the marriage days. There was not even a single activity that she did not guide us  in. Without her, we would have messed up big.   

Gigri Jee was a great support when my mother Prabha Jee passed away suddenly in May 1994. She guided us every day and softened the shock that our mother’s sudden departure had caused us. She was a towering personality and a born leader. Compassion was her nature.          

With our mother gone, Gigri Jee increased her frequency to visit our father. In the later years of his life, our father would get irritated for almost no reason. We found it tough to manage him. Here again, Gigri Jee would come. That would soften him and we would find it helpful. This continued till it was time for our dad to leave us in the year 2002. After that Gigri Jee’s visits to us came down in frequency but her soft corner for all of us remained unchanged. Then we migrated to Canada but we would visit her every time we would return to India. She would handle the household nicely and take proper care of Baisahib Jee. Almost every time, she would chide me for leaving India and staying abroad. She would remind me repeatedly about a statement that she would say that I had made to her that I would never leave India. I do not remember ever having said that although I might have said that I would love to stay in India. But we all are slaves of time and circumstances.

I am also advancing in age and pray that my association with Gigri Jee must have rubbed on me. That would help me in my last phase of life. She was a saint in “grahast” life.

OM SHANTI.

 

Blog No: 74: Summary of Details / Contents of Blogs No: 1 to Blog No: 73:

Blog No: 01: Dated: 17.04.2022: Introduction: Why the blog? Who am I? Pass on my remembrances. My date of birth and place of birth. Date of Birth story. Brief description of my family, brothers and sister. My first school. Process for admission. Cleaning in school story. Exams and verbal results. Reading for Primary. “Bacchey pass” story.

Blog No: 02: Dated: 18.04.2022: Neelesh Jee helping with the blog construction. My different names. Why Baijana of Khazanchi’s? Guru Jee, Karkun, Non Karkun, Jatuk, that is DOB document/ Primary passed/ Next Middle pass. Shav Middle story/ Started English alphabet first time in Grade 6. Urdu medium. Story of my Math result and performance in Grade 8.

Blog No: 03: Dated: 19.04.2022: Why children were sent to school. Relive pressure on parents. My poor performance in sports. Achievements of my brothers and sister in extracurricular activities. Hoof Hander/ Nalla Taas / Exams – Kya Kaam Kiya – Answer “Bahut Kiya” story. Cheating – How another test at home after exams where we had to repeat what we had done. Therefore, checking answers and solutions after the exams are over so that we deceive our elders at home/ Class tests. Answer sheets sold for the purchase of Tabaco for teachers. Only half of the subjects covered by the end of term. School excursion details. Smoking as an enjoyment for students. Middle Pass ho gaya.

Blog No: 04: Dated: 20.04.2022: Admission in S.P.School grade 9. Studied with more seriousness. Better teachers except some sleeping in class. Laboratory description. Grant of funds in March and cheating/corruption in school purchases. Matric passed. Admission in S,P.College. Pratha Bomber Story + Krishna Hookh Story.

Blog No: 05: Dated: 21.04.2022: Addressing – Follower in place of the reader. Clarification about bad teachers. In an earlier post. Punishment types in school, Ban Murga, Utha Bethi, Facing Wall etc. etc. Story of Pak boy returning from “foreign” and slapping him at the airport.

Blog No: 06: Dated: 22.04.2022: My remembrances of Hindu, Muslim living in Kashmir then. Main jobs by each community. Excise is mostly only income for the government. Sher- Bakra story. Daya Krishen Koul, Jagir distribution. Stone pelting between Sher, Bakra across bridges. Calling KP’s Daali Bhattas.

Blog No: 07: Dated: 24.04.2022: Explanation for why No Blog on the previous day. Mention that garden activities in the future could interrupt the blog. KP description by Hieun Tsang in 631 AD. Dress of Kashmiri people – Muslims, Hindus, Men and Women those days.  Pheran, Kasaab.

Blog No: 08: Dated: 25.04.2022: Some description of period before my birth. Infants getting married. Medical facilities are almost nil. Mother and Newborn deaths. Men marry many times, and women suffer. Story of my maternal grandfather marrying twice. My mother from his first wife who died very young after two children. Land in her name for children – my mama and my mother in Ganderbal. Went there with Mama jee. My adoption. Dokha by the tillers. Give us about one-eighth of the produced instead of contracted one-half. Dejihor in Kashmiri culture and how it helped in hard times. Not displayed by many women now because of snatchers.

Blog No: 09: Dated: 26.04.2022: Continuing about Multi marriage. Different times for the society. Particularly for ladies. TB and other health issues. No marriage for widows. Sat Lal is a pioneer. Married a widow That helped the society. Yagneopavit description. Tent/Tajeera/ Food taken seated on the floor/ stalls by maasi and bua. New Dresses for everybody. Day marriages. Baraat description. Dress of Maharaza. Samavaar chai by bridegroom party during baraat. No marriage halls. Near relatives stay at the main bride/groom home during the celebration. Food preparation in the temporary kitchen made on the aangan. Lot of singing / tumbaknaari. The only entertainment in life those days.

Blog No: 10: Dated: 27.04.2022: Address – Follower stopped. Only Dear,…..from today.  Why bog/  Reproduced lines from the Regina lady book. Description of winters in Kashmir. Snow on the roofs and urgency to remove it. Snow hills on the roads. Waking in pheran with kangri inside. Falls and live coals on the body. Passersby would come to help in getting up and stabilize. Chillai Kallan and its two other periods. Methods to keep warm. Homes with Bukhari. Kangri Jung. “Thol” hitting head with head. Frequent verbal fights between boat people ladies on the bank of the rivers.

Blog No: 11: Dated: 28.04.2022: Returned to my story narrative. Details of my college studies and differences between teachers and lecturers. My interviews for medical jobs, X-ray technicians etc. Failure in these. Did not study well. Addiction to Hindi Novels. Passed F.sc and B. Sc in 1961. Story about my performance and results.  

Blog No: 12: Dated: 29.04.2022: Now I am a graduate. No jobs available except on recommendations. Started home teaching at Rs. 5/- per month. Stick in hand to discipline the child. Two more children’s tuition at Rs. 20/- per month. Two-month job at Mission School at Rs. 58/- per month. Mission school description. Made friends there. Mr. Mohan Lal. Then job of science teacher at S.P.School. Did well and was popular. The principal makes me teach his sister’s son (Fire Chief’s son)  

Blog No: 13: Dated: 02.05.2022: No Blog on Saturday and Sunday – Garden work kept me busy. Frost Episode in the backyard. Some plants get damaged. Mission School Dal Cross described. Samsar Chand leader of the Dal Cross qualification.

Blog No: 14: Dated: 03.05.2022: S.P.School description continues. Principal cross with me because he felt offended, I had not wished him. He had seen my brother and he could not make out the difference in us two. The teaching of failed boys. Successful later. Some of them in the Treasury. Would help me get my father’s pension fastest. Science purchases but I was never in the picture. Senior science teacher and the principal would manage to siphon off the funds. Laboratory conditions same as at my time as a student. I liked the job but everyone says it is bad. Muslim teachers agitate for quota. The Govt grants them a quota. Pandits approach Supreme Court. Given a positive decision. The state Govt. manipulates and continues to give benefits to junior Muslim teachers. Hindu teachers suffer and are miserable. The only good thing is that their children do well in life generally.

Blog No: 15: Dated: 04.05.2022: While working at S.P.School, saw an advertisement for Shift Assistant in AIR. The whole story about missing the interview. Holy relic loss. The full story of the holy hair. Was able to go to Delhi for an interview. / Agitation in Kashmir valley. Got selected and joined on 07 May 1964.

Blog No: 16: Dated: 05.05.2022: Backlog description of my college days. Eyesight poor noticed by chance. Had to wear specs. Coaching of relative girl. Taught her time management. Indore brother made his bridegroom son prostrate before me on his wedding day at Noida. Coaching of Matto boy Rs. 210/- for three months in advance.

Blog No: 17: Dated: 06.05.2022: My joining in AIR on 07.05.1964. Trip to Transmitter first day. Meeting people. Getting attached to the studio. Shift duties details. My duty with Mr. Bhan.

Blog No: 18: Dated: 08.05.2022: Mother’s Day. A blog on the life of my mother.

Blog No: 19: Dated: 09.05.2022: Description of AIR Assistant Engineers. Described – AE-1, V.L.Bhan, AE-2 P.L.Khazanchi, CVS auction and misbehavior case.

Blog No: 20: Dated: 10.05.2022: Description of AIR Assistant Engineers. Described – AE-3, P.N.Nehru, AE-4 Mangotra. Receiving Centre. Polo Ground. Chowkidar leaving after me on a cycle. Not doing night duty. Visit of station engineer to RC. Sadai Kashmir tuning. Jamming of the station. Reception affected in Srinagar.

Blog No: 21: Dated: 11.05.2022: August 1965 events, Sadai Kashmir Broadcasts, India Pakistan Formation, Hyderabad, Junagarh, and Kashmir annexation, Embedded Pakistani forces in Kashmiri home, Their Operation- Grand Slam. India-Pakistan War.

Blog No: 22: Dated: 12.05.2022: Din Mahmud story. (Padam Shri Awardee who I thought was a terrorist.)

Blog No: 23: Dated: 13.05.2022: AE-5 and AE-6,  Abdul Sattar and Mohd. Amin./ Station Engineer -1 (PKV) and SE -2 (SK) My probation

Blog No: 24: Dated: 15.05.2022: Brief mention of GMD. Kashmiri Pandit agitation 1967. The Hindus lost as a result of the agitation.

Blog No: 25: Dated: 16.05.2022: Copied and modified from “October 2020 Narrative “ October 24 narration. Condition of Kashmir history. Hindus to Buddhists and then back to Hindus. Installation of the first Muslim ruler by Hindus. Conversions. Leeje Bhattas. Poorbi Bhattas. 

Blog No: 26: Dated: 17.05.2022: Reproduced reaction of a fellow Kashmiri to a blog similar to yesterday's, sent by me in a WhatsApp group. And my reply to him. All regarding the condition of KP’s in earlier times.

Blog No: 27: Dated: 18.05.2022: NNDhar/RNN story and GPF. Gulam Bhat Ration card and horse in the Office lawn

Blog No: 28: Dated: 19.05.2022: Mama Jee, Life, Death, my trip to Haridwar for the emersion of his ashes.

Blog No: 29: Dated: 20.05.2022: Office duty by air to Jammu + Tour on duty to Titwal Tangdaar.

Blog No: 30: Dated: 24.05.2022: Amarnath Yatra Narrative. Pahalgam to Chandanwari

Blog No: 31: Dated: 25.05.2022: Amarnath Yatra Narrative. Chandanwari to Sheshnag. Pissu Top

Blog No: 32: Dated: 26.05.2022: Amarnath Yatra Narrative. Sheshnasg to Panchtarni. Mahagunus.

Blog No: 33: Dated: 27.05.2022: Amarnath Yatra Narrative. Panchtarni to Cave till leaving the cave.

Blog No: 34: Dated: 29.05.2022: Amarnath Narrative. Preparation of roads. Collies, Singing. Polish Yatri.

Blog No: 35: Dated: 30.05.2022: Photographs – 03 Nos of yatra and describing the same in this blog.

Blog No: 36: Dated: 31.05.2022: Training at the Staff Training Institute in Delhi. Stay in Sarojini Nagar. Watni Restaurant

Blog No: 37: Dated: 01.06.2022: Tour to Ladakh. Background. Thumb injury. Travel to Sonamarg. CLS Radio there

Blog No: 38: Dated: 02.06.2022: Journey from Kargil to Leh. Laama Yeeru. Arrival by truck in Leh.

Blog No: 39: Dated: 03.06.2022: Recording in Leh. Sonam Jaccob. Conversions. Beggar lady recording.

Blog No: 40: Dated: 05.06.2022: My Duty at Transmitter. Details of the system there. My weaknesses. Return home only after the fault is rectified. My home verandah climb-up incident.

Blog No: 41: Dated: 06.06.2022: Safety at Transmitter, My face burnt, accident. Notes on earthing and fuses.

Blog No: 42: Dated: 07.06.2022: Eating together at Transmitter, Senior not contributing, smoking bathroom, packet on the table free to all. My measurement mistakes used to make my boss avoid me because he could not solve my problem.

Blog No: 43: Dated: 13.06.2022: KR Gupta Story as SE Srinagar + Him post-retirement at Jammu.

Blog No: 44: Dated: 14.06.2022: Kakapuri incident Part 1

Blog No: 45: Dated: 15.06.2022: Kakapuri Incident Part 2 + Sham Lal Dullu Son appointment.

Blog No: 46: Dated: 16.06.2022: N.Krisnamurthy and how he made me study for Grad I.T.E.

Blog No: 47: Dated: 17.06.2022: My Grad I.T.E story. Part 1.

Blog No: 48: Dated: 19.06.2022: Father's Day. Baigash Art. His Hiye Afsoos story.

Blog No: 49: Dated: 20.06.2022: Second part of ITE Exams. Training at Mandi House. My performance.

Blog No: 50: Dated: 21.06.2022:  G.L.Kak Story

Blog No: 51: Dated: 22.06.2022: Three Radio stories: Key Start DG Set. Behn ki gaali Radio Director. American Peace Corps worker

Blog No: 52: Dated: 23.06.2022: Mehrajudin Story – Part 1

Blog No: 53: Dated: 24.06.2022: Mehrajudin Story – Part 2

Blog No: 54: Dated: 15.07.2022: Explanation for being absent for three weeks. Resumed blogs as several readers wanted me to continue posting blogs.  Plan for future Blogs unveiled.

Blog No: 55: Dated: 16.07.2022: Detailed account of my start in TV media at TV Srinagar after completion of a 24-week TV Programme Production Technique course in Delhi.   Story of the advent of TV in India and the necessity of starting TV Programme from TV Centre Srinagar.

Blog No: 56: Dated: 17.07.2022: More of my work at TV Center Srinagar. My completion of Grad. I.T.E course. A.K.Ticku Joining at TV Center Srinagar and his first day in office details.  Mangal Sein interaction on his tour to Srinagar TV Center. My selection for the Civil Defense course at Nagpur.

Blog No: 57: Dated: 18.07.2022: My training in Civil Defense at Nagpur. Visit to Ramtek Temple. Going around exploring on a rented cycle. The story about me getting oranges. Visit to All India Radio Nagpur station and meet N.P.Goswami who later was posted at Doordarshan Srinagar. Watched first the International 3 day cricket match from the radio commentary booth at the playground.

Blog No: 58: Dated: 20.07.2022: Panic at the loss of my final denture at the dentist's office.  My prayers for its recovery to ease my pain of getting another set made. Milestone. My first self-bus trip between the Selwyn Road residence of my son to the Josley Road residence of my daughter. Plan for a second milestone for cycling in the park nearby.  

Blog No: 59: Dated: 21.07.2022: Good News – My dentures are located. My worries over. N.P.Goswami Story.

Blog No: 60: Dated: 22.07.2022: K.L.Wadhawan Story. He was our First Superintending Engineer at TV Center. He had lot of confidence in me. I arranged hops for him to take to Delhi for Beer preparation at home. Raj Babbar Sister’s visit to TV Center story.

Blog No: 61: Dated: 23.07.2022: Programme staff recruitment Story. Sickening work atmosphere working with communal staff recruited from Bihar and UP. They spoiled the local staff also in making them rabbit communalists.  My frequent confrontations with them are detailed.

Blog No: 62: Dated: 05.01.2023: Our Dear Sister Remembered Part – 1

Blog No: 63: Dated: 06.01.2023: Our Dear Sister Remembered Part – 2

Blog No: 64: Dated: 07.01.2023: Our Dear Sister Remembered Part – 3

Blog No: 65: Dated: 08.01.2023: Our Dear Sister Remembered Part – 4

Blog No: 66: Dated: 09.01.2023: Our Dear Sister Remembered Part – 5

Blog No: 67: Dated: 10.01.2023: Our Dear Sister Remembered Part – 6

Blog No: 68: Dated: 12.08.2023: Ashok Khazanchi, Remembered.

Blog No: 69: Dated: 08.07.2024: Vipassana Meditation Experiences – Part 1

Blog No: 70: Dated: 09.07.2024: Vipassana Meditation Experiences – Part 2

Blog No: 71: Dated: 10.07.2024: Vipassana Meditation Experiences – Part 3

Blog No: 72: Dated: 11.07.2024: Vipassana Meditation Experiences – Part 4

Blog No: 73: Dated: 12.07.2024: Vipassana Meditation Experiences – Part 5

Blog # 73 Dated: 12 July 2024: 10-Day Vipassana Meditation Course - My Experience Part 5

 Namaskar. I am here with Blog Part # 5.

I described almost everything that I remembered till the end of Day 10, our last day of the meditation course. I had forgotten to mention that after Day 3, my mind did not go back to remembering my home and all my kith and kin. I was absorbed in cleaning my mind. It was probably only once on Day 7 that I remembered my granddaughter Shaarika Jee. The rest of the days were free from all mental links.

The next day, Day 11, was to be the day we would be heading to our homes and residences outside the Meditation Village as I would call it. We were told on Day 10 that we would have to attend a discourse from Guru Jee at 4.30 AM the next day in the meditation hall. So, I set my Alarm for 4 AM. (I had brought an alarm clock from the utility room the day after my alarm clock had failed to ring at the pre-set time)  I was up on time and readied myself. I was in the hall at 4.30 AM. Everyone came to the meditation hall in time. The discourse started. Guru Jee summed up the entire programme of the last ten days. He set out a course for us to follow once we were home. He wanted us to continue meditation at home. One hour in the morning and one hour in the evening. He additionally asked us to imbibe the habit of meditating for five minutes each time we went to bed at night and get up early in the morning daily.  He asked us to adhere to the five precepts (already mentioned by me in blog #2 in detail) in daily life. The gist of other things communicated with examples follows below.

He told us that Vipassana Courses are all free. No money is charged for lodgings, eating, meditation etc. The centres are all run on donations. The donations are accepted only from the people who have attended the Vipassana classes. Thus in our cases, we became eligible for donating only on day 11. This appears to be a noble way of giving, to help continue a noble cause. Earlier students paid for my expenses during the course at the centre. Before leaving I paid a little money as a donation, to help the centre pay the expenses for students coming in future.

The centre takes donations from ex-students in the form of selfless service also. They work in a voluntary capacity to keep the premises clean, manage the kitchen, look after the gardening activities, mow the grass, manage the finances, plan for the future, and related activities. They do not take anything in return. This service not only benefits others, but also helps those offering it, to eradicate egotism, to understand the teaching more deeply, and thus to advance on the path. A win-win situation for everybody.

Guru Jee speaks of Dhamma. This is not what we ordinary people understand of Dharma, in terms of religion and sects. He means the universal truth which is above religions. The universal truth is above religions like Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism etc. He says that people suffer in this world irrespective of what religion the sufferer is associated with. The solution, therefore, must be above religions too. Vipassana is not a religion. It is a science, where the students are taught to look inwards, clean their minds, improve themselves, and become better people. And not to fear death. At all times we should do the right thing. We should shun anger. We should look, feel, and remain cool. And then we should be able to help and guide others to follow the same path. Guru Jee says that by teaching Vipassana, he shows us the path. We have to work on our own minds. It is like an operation of the mind not to be done by a surgeon but by ourselves. The teachers will provide guidance.

Guru jee acknowledges that people follow different methods to advance spiritually. He does not say that anything is bad. He says that Vipassana is a tried and tested method which has liberated many people both known and unknown to us. He says that Gautam Budha followed it and attained nirvana. After attaining nirvana, he taught this path to others. Guru Jee says that we should adopt only one method to succeed in the path of liberation or advancement in spirituality. Following two systems simultaneously is like riding two boats simultaneously with one leg in one boat and the other leg in the other boat. When in such a situation, when the boats are moving, the person will not advance but fall into the river.

The discourse was over at 06.25 AM, I went back to my room and then for breakfast in the dining hall. The menu was not very extensive. Some thin watery soup of some type that I had not ever seen in my life. I did take it. It tasted different from what I am used to. I was grateful to the organization for offering me so much love. I followed it with a cup of tea. No bread and butter on the menu today. Breakfast was over and I went to my room. I packed my items and then cleaned the room and the bathroom thoroughly, as was expected from the leaving students. I returned the room table fan and the alarm clock back to the utility room from which I had taken the fan on Day Zero. I kept all my items in the corridor outside and waited for Narinder Jee to pick me up.

 My Conclusion:

 Through these blogs, I am only describing the technique in a nutshell. I am not teaching or preaching it for you to follow. You would be confused if you followed me. If you are interested, just apply, and join a course where there would be a properly trained guide to teach you the technique. There is no way anyone can offer a do-it-yourself technique to you.

Vipassana course is truly valuable and has the power to change our lives. In my case, I already feel I am a different and a better person after having attended the course. I am trying to be a better person every day. Since my return from the course, I have modified my daily schedule. I have reduced the time I spend watching TV. I have effortlessly found two one-hour time blocks in the mornings and evenings every day to meditate as per the technique taught.

A lot of videos are available on YouTube about Vipassana meditation and practices. There is a set of 11 discourses headlined, Day 1 Discourse, Day 2 Discourse, and so on, as spoken by Guru jee. The discourses are in English as well as in Hindi. You may listen to them if you so desire. But to understand and appreciate the technique, you should attend a full 10-day course. It is so rewarding.

I am still a Hindu and a follower of Sanatan Dharma. Following Vipassana has only made me look a little deeper and understand better.

At the end, I would have the following message to all fellow travelers on the path of Dhamma.   

Be Happy.

Keep the torch of Dhamma alight. Let it shine brightly in our daily lives. We should always bear in mind that Dhamma is not an escape. It is the art of living in peace and harmony with oneself and also with all others. We should live a Dhamma life.

We should not miss our daily meditation sessions in the mornings and evenings.

Whenever possible, we should attend the weekly group sittings with other Vipassana meditators.

We should attend a 10-day repeat course every year. This will keep us strong in our resolve to have a satisfying and contented life.

We should always be confident to face the ups and downs of life with courage, bravely and smilingly.

We should renounce hatred and aversion. It will end animosity, and generate love and compassion, especially all those who do not understand Dhamma and are living an unhappy life.

May our Dhamma behavior show them the path of peace and harmony.

May the glow of Dhamma on our faces attract more and more people to the path of real happiness.

May all beings be happy, peaceful, and liberated.

Sabh ka Mangal Ho. Sabh ka Kalyan Ho. Sabh Sukhi Rahey.

Sadhu   Sadhu   Sadhu  (Meaning  - Well said,  well done,  we share this wish.)

Adding link below to a peaceful verse related to Vipassana: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbtNnCU56No&ab_channel=VipassanaMeditationDHAMMAHALL

Blog # 72 Dated: 11 July 2024: 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course - My Experiences Part 4

 Namaskar. Blog Part 3 covered Day 2 and Day 3 of my Meditation course. Here I am with Day 4 and onwards.

 Day 4 started with a problem. I overslept. Previous night I was not able to sleep at my usual 10 PM. I fell asleep at approximately 1 AM. When my eyes opened, I noticed that it was not early morning. The clock showed 6.20 AM.

The clock alarm set at 5.45 AM did not ring because of some malfunction. I readied myself quickly and made my way to the dining area at about 6.40 AM. It was easier to select items for my breakfast. The bread was available and I was happy to have bread butter and my usual cup of tea. Back to my room at 7 AM, my mind went back to the events from last night when I had been emotionally disturbed after the snub by the teacher. But I remembered too from the discourses, that to proceed in life, yesterday is past. Forget the past and take care of today. That will take care of the future too. Taking a ride on this saying, I was relaxed. I decided to learn from the advice that I should keep my mind clean and continue with the meditation as per the directions of Guru Jee.

I went to the meditation hall at 8 AM with a positive and clean mind. The session went well. My Anapana session was quite smooth. I also noticed that I did not feel any need to move my leg. I was able to sit still for one hour. At the end of the session, I stayed on for another hour for meditation in the hall. Lunchtime followed at 11 AM as per schedule. White rice was again available. A different type of vegetable soup was on offer too. Now I would just ignore the raw leafy stuff. I picked up my two items and sat down for my lunch. I put a little rice plus the vegetable soup for my dinner in a container and placed it in the fridge. I had a good lunch, felt normal and did not feel famished. I had accepted the items available for a satisfactory lunch.  

On this day, we were told in advance that the afternoon session would be from 2.00 PM instead of 2.30 PM as on previous days. We all went there in time. In a short time, the sermon by Guru Jee started. What a sweet voice! It was pure bliss. I had started enjoying listening to his voice. It gave me real peace. Gurujee directed us towards the next phase of the Vipassana meditation. In this phase we were asked to pick up a small spot on the top of our head and concentrate our mind on it. Next, we were asked to move our attention to various parts of our head. Then in order, and one small area at a time, to the forehead, face, arms, torso, legs, until we reach the toes. This would complete one full cycle

Thus, here we have to move our attention systematically from head to feet and observe each and every part of the body by feeling all the sensations that we come across. The sensations have to be observed objectively and that is, remain equanimous with all the sensations that we experience, whether pleasant, unpleasant or neutral, by appreciating their impermanent nature. We have to keep our attention moving. Our attention does not have to stay at any one place for more than a few moments. We have to ensure that the practice does not become mechanical. We have to work in different ways according to the type of sensations that we experience. Areas of the body having different gross sensations have to be observed separately by moving the attention part by part.

When Guru Jee’s voice was directing us and I was focusing my mind on  the parts of my body as per his direction, I got a very pleasant feeling in my mind and body. I do not have words to express the bliss that I found myself floating in, in that session. We had graduated from doing Anapana to Vipassana meditation first stage. At 7.15 PM we were in the room to listen to Guru Jee’s discourse. Enjoyed listening to him. His words appeared truth personified. He repeatedly asked us to think about our existing beliefs. He wants us to evaluate these beliefs and not follow blindly what has been put into our minds. And that we need to look at the beliefs rationally

This fourth day was very satisfying. This was the first day I was very happy with myself. The thought of my home, my children, my grandchildren, my bank money, and my garden etc. did not cross my mind. The world situation outside did not occur in my mind either. I did not remember the Palestine-Gaza war, the Ukraine-Russia war, No Donald Trump, no Joe Biden, no debate among them, no Narinder Modi, no Pakistan, no Cricket, no Euro 2024. All this did not cross my mind. Very blissful. Guru Jee said that for everybody individually, I was my priority. Think about ourselves. Clean our minds. Be good to ourselves. Only then can we be good to others and do good for others.  

The fifth and the sixth days went very smoothly. I was well-adjusted. Earlier I would think of the course ending. Now It was routine. I was at peace with myself. On Day 7, we were advised to move our mind from Head to Toe and back from Toe to the Head in the reverse sequence. On Day 8, we were now asked to concentrate with our mind in dual function - symmetrical parts such as both arms and both legs, having similar subtle sensations that have to be observed simultaneously. If we experience subtle sensations through the physical structure, we may at times sweep the entire body and then again work part by part. This process was difficult. This put pressure on my mind. I had to slow the movement of my mind to ensure that the observation of exactly symmetrical parts of the two arms and two legs was happening simultaneously. With each session, the process is getting easier.

On both these days – 7^th and 8^th, we, the students, were given the option to meditate in cells for three to four sessions of one to two hours on both days. There are 72 cells adjacent to the meditation hall. Each of these cells is a small room of about three and a half feet to two and a half feet. When the door is closed, the space is completely dark. I was allotted Cell No: 30. I meditated in this cell for all the allotted time slots. It was really very peaceful and the mind remained very much sublime and the meditation was very enjoyable.

On Day 9, we were asked to try to move the mind horizontally, vertically, and crosswise to move inside the organs. While doing this we had to continuously experience subtle sensations. For me, this exercise would have to wait till such time that I am better and smooth with other exercises prior to this one.

On Day 10, we were introduced to Metta. Metta is a process to be followed at the end of an hour sitting, to relax and let any mental or physical agitation subside. Then for a few moments, focus our attention on subtle sensations in the body and fill our minds with thoughts of goodwill for all beings.

We were told that outside of meditation periods, to give our full and undivided attention to any important task before us. At the same time, we have to check from time to time whether we are maintaining awareness and equanimity. When a problem arises, if possible, we have to be aware of our breath and sensations, even for a few seconds. This will help us to maintain the balance of our minds.

At the end of the first meditation session on Day 10, we were told that we could talk to each other but to keep it low-key. The students started talking at 10 AM. It was a very cordial atmosphere. We started sharing our experiences. The conversations were subdued and dignified right into the lunch session. At 2.30 PM we were again in the meditation hall for the group meditation session. At 5 PM we trooped into the dining hall. Today was different. Students were speaking to one another and drinking tea and eating snacks was not so important on this day. Day 7 was the last day that I had kept a little eating item for my dinner. For the last three days I did not feel like taking my extra meal portion as dinner. I felt okay with no dinner.

I will continue with my final blog #5 tomorrow. In that blog, I will mention the happenings on Day 11, before we were free to return home after breakfast. And then I would also give my overall impression of the entire course and offer my help and guidance to anyone interested to know a little more of the details.  

 

Blog # 71 Dated: 10 July 2024: 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course - My Experiences Part 3

 Carrying on with my narrative for Day 2:

 

I got up normally at 5.45 AM. I did not feel different because I had missed my dinner last night. The only problem appeared to be in my throat. The previous day’s ice-cold apple during tea time seemed to be the culprit. I decided to avoid the cold fruits or any other cold items in the dining hall in days to come. I took medication and organized my room. I brushed my teeth and washed my face.  I left for the dining hall when the bell gong sounded at 6.30 AM. It was a repeat of the previous day. I ate frugally.  On my return to my room, my last day’s stress during the meditation sessions came to my mind. I remembered what Narinder Jee and Ambika Jee had told me when they dropped me at the centre. They told me that if I was stressed for any reason and would like to discontinue, I should inform the manager, he would inform them and they would come back to pick me up. I thought about the consequences of taking this route. I thought that Narinder Jee may be busy with his work and it would be difficult to make the requested unplanned trip. Second was the thought that if I walked off the course, everyone at home would be amused and that I would be taunted all my life. To me the stress of meditation would be less than listening to negative views of myself in this regard. Simultaneously, I remembered about the garden activities that I had left for my family to look after, in my absence. I started worrying about the lack of care and its effect on the growth of various plants. But then I consoled myself knowing that my family would not let me down.  I, therefore, dropped the idea of returning home.

 

In light of the above, my 8 AM meditation session went off well because my mind knew that I was not returning from the course earlier than scheduled. I was able to concentrate better. My Anapana practice became smoother. At 9 AM, after the first session was over, the teacher asked us to continue the medication in the hall itself. At 10.30 AM we were off from meditation in the hall. This gave me time for taking a shower and going to the dining hall at the scheduled time. Vegetable soup was available. I filled my bowl and topped it with curds and some salad. That was my lunch for the day. I returned to the room. I took some rest.

 

At 2.30 PM I was back in the meditation hall, like all the other students. The meditation again started after a brief sermon and directions to follow during the breathing process. We were told that the mind is like an untamed horse. We were being trained to control this wild horse. We were repeatedly told to concentrate. I was more comfortable meditating than I was on day 1, mostly because I had decided to stay on.  At 3.30 PM the session was over. I returned to my room. I was there for hardly fifteen minutes when I heard a tap on my door. I opened the door to find the assistant teacher. He asked me to go to the meditation hall. I was surprised because I had not heard the teacher ask us to return. I told him so. In reply, he just asked me to return to the hall. I followed his instructions. I was back in the hall. In a few minutes, the teacher called me and four other students. He wanted to know how the breathing process was being felt near the entrance to the nostrils. In reply, I expressed my feelings. He was satisfied that I was proceeding correctly. Back to my meditation seat, I made a promise to myself that I will not give another opportunity to the assistant teacher to call me as he had to do it on two occasions already. At 4.30 PM we could go back to our room. At 5 PM, I went to the dining hall. Today, I did not take an apple. I took only one banana and a cup of tea. While there I noticed that two students were taking out two containers from the fridge. They had some of the items from the lunch packed inside these containers. They transferred the contents to a bowl and heated them in the microwave. When I was observing them, I found an empty container on the table nearby with my name “Bal” slip stuck on its lid. I understood that this container was meant for me as I had pre-requested to be allowed to store some food from lunch to eat for dinner, for medical reasons. I could not do anything at this time but noted it for tomorrow. Tea done, I left the hall. I spent some time walking around in the open area. Then back to my room. At 6 PM, I was back in the meditation hall. At 7 PM, the session was over. After a ten-minute break, we were to assemble back in the hall. The second day discourse appeared on the screen. We all heard it in silence. Guru Jee laced his narrative with a lot of stories to make it easier for him to put his idea across to us. He was constantly putting the idea of Vipassana much above the narrative of present-day religions and sects associated with them.  He repeated that during Anapana, we have to keep the attention to the area below the nostrils and above the upper lip. We have to remain aware of each breath as it enters or leaves. If the mind is very dull or agitated, we should breathe deliberately and slightly harder for some time. Otherwise, the breathing should be natural. This was to be our template for successful initiation to Vipassana meditation.

 

After the discourse playback was over at 8.30 PM, we had another half-hour meditation. At 9 PM, we were told to retire for the day. For me, it was mentally a better and more stable day than the previous day because I had decided to stay. Sleep was normal. No issues.

 

The next day was Day 3.

 

I got up on time. My routine had been set and I followed the same. While going for breakfast, I was pleasantly surprised to see bread and butter on a side table. I took my usual oatmeal in a bowl, a couple slices of buttered toast and tea, as on the previous day. I had a more satisfying breakfast on this day. The next item on the agenda was the 8 AM meditation. This was done smoothly. The teacher gave instructions to narrow down our observation in the lower nostril area during Anapana, to attain more focused control of our minds.

 

At 9 AM, after a brief break, I continued to meditate in the hall. I did not want the assistant teacher to have to repeat with me what he had done during Day 1 and 2. (Calling me from my room). At 10.30 AM, I went to my room for my morning shower. At 11 AM I was in the dining room. Today there was a change in the menu. White Rice and brown rice were available. Some vegetable soup was also there. And then there was a chocolate sweet too. I took all these items. On this day, I had a better and more satisfying meal. After I finished my meals, I took charge of the container with my name on its lid. I filled it with some rice and vegetable soup plus a chocolate sweet. I kept it in the fridge.

 

At 1 PM, I decided to meet the teacher. I went and met the assistant teacher in the meditation hall lobby. The teacher was in the side room with a student, who must have been getting answers for his questions and issues. As soon as the student left the room, I was asked to go in. I was face to face with the teacher sitting high on a settee-type seat. I sat down before him. I told the teacher that I had one observation and two questions. He asked me whether I knew Hindi. When I replied in the affirmative, he asked me to continue in Hindi. First I told him that I am more comfortable now with the concentration of mind than on the first day. Next, I told him that when I am sitting during meditation, I am very motionless for the first thirty-five to forty minutes but then my right leg calf muscle starts to ache. I have to move it to ease the pain. I asked him whether I could stretch slightly during meditation. He said yes, I could. The third question that I asked him was about how I would adjust back to life with my family after the completion of the course. To this, he replied that all this would be answered on the 9^th and the 10^th days. Lastly, he asked me to work hard to reap the full fruit of the process during my stay there for the meditation course. He also asked me to sit for the discourse given in Hindi language because that was better and un-edited in comparison to the one in English that I had heard for the first two days.  Satisfied, I left the room much happier than earlier. 

 

After the 2.30 PM meditation, when I went for my tea break at 5 PM, I used the food that I had stored in the fridge during the lunch time. I transferred it to a plate and warmed it up, before eating it.

 

That evening, I listened to Guru Jee’s discourse in Hindi. I liked the Hindi discourse. It was done in a spontaneous and free-flowing manner. Excellent stories and examples were interwoven in the narration. During the discourse, Guru Jee mentioned something about “Atma” (soul). I was curious to know whether “Atma” is spoken of in the same manner in Buddhism as in Sanatan Dharma. I decided then to ask the teacher about it after the meditation would be over at 9 PM. 

 

At 9 PM after the meditation was over, I went to the teacher and put forward this question about “Atma” to him. The moment he heard the word “Atma”, he was visibly unhappy with me. He did not even hear the full question. He asked me to concentrate on the meditation and not let this unnecessary and unrelated issue come to my mind. Next, I put in another question about the reincarnation of Buddha. Here he was unhappy again. He asked me to take out all the garbage from my mind and at least for ten days keep myself clean from my unnecessary thoughts.  I realized that I had not kept past issues and beliefs away from my mind as had been asked to do repeatedly. This was a course correction for me.

 

I went to my room. I was sad that I had spoiled a good day by asking a foolish question. I could not sleep well. I must have slept at about 1 AM.

 

Day 4 onwards will follow in Blog 4. 

Blog # 70 Dated: 09 July 2024: 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course - My Experiences Part - 2

 Namaskar. I hope you have liked reading Part 1 of my Vipassana experience that I sent yesterday. Here is Part 2 of the experience. It starts with narrating Day 1 of the 10-day meditation activities.

 

I got up on my own at about 5.30 AM, fifteen minutes ahead of my alarm clock setting. My sleep was reasonably okay. I brushed my teeth, washed my face etc. and took my thyroid medication.  At 6.30 AM there was the sound of the bell signaling the start of the breakfast activities. I made my way to the dining hall. More than twenty students were already there. I stood in the line and picked up a plate, a bowl, and cutlery. The first item on the table was a pot of oatmeal. I filled my bowl with it.  As I saw others topping it with a spoon full of curds and prunes. I did it too. Then there were some other seed-type items that I did not recognize. Other students were taking those but I did not. Next, I took a cup and filled it with hot water. I added a tea bag, milk, and brown sugar. With all these items, I went to my spot and finished my breakfast in no time. There was no chit chat with other students or anyone else. After my breakfast, I went back to my room.  

 

At 5 minutes to 8 in the morning, I was seated at my assigned place in the meditation hall. In the next two minutes, all participants were seated in their designated places as well. The teacher came soon after. At 8 AM all was set. The lights were dimmed in the hall. Like everyone, I was sitting cross-legged, mouth and eyes closed. However, I made a change in the manner of sitting. I turned 90 degrees clockwise, sitting against the wall to support my back. The meditation, as was taught on the previous day, was started in complete silence. Shortly after, I was startled by a mild touch on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see that it was the assistant teacher. I looked at him in a spirit of inquiry. He motioned me to reorient myself because I was supposed to be facing the teacher during the meditation session.

 

I would like to define what I mean by assistant teacher, teacher, and Guru Jee. The assistant teacher is a link between the students and the teacher. He assists the students in all matters. To the students, he represents the administration. He also assists in regulating the meeting between the teacher and the students. He is always present in the meditation hall and can be seen meditating like everyone. The teacher conducts the meditation sessions.  He calls students regularly to assess their progress in meditation and provide guidelines to ensure that students are on the right path. At the end of a meditation session, he directs the students to the next session. He is available for one-to-one meetings with the students to clear any doubts they might have. For women, there is a female teacher in the hall for their guidance. Guru jee is Mr. S.N.Goenka. He was born in Burma in January 1924. When he was growing up, he came across a person named Sayagyi U Ba Khin who was knowledgeable about Vipassana. At that time Mr. Goenka was having severe tension-related ailments. Mr. Sayagyi introduced him to Vipassana meditation and after practicing Vipassana for some time, his ailments were cured. His life changed. As a sign of gratitude to his master, Mr. Goenka made it his life’s mission to bring this knowledge of Vipassana to millions of people all around the world. He started non-commercial Vipassana meditation centres globally. He teaches in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin. His teachings emphasize that Budha’s path to liberation was non-sectarian, universal and scientific in character. His audio recordings are played during meditation sessions. Every evening there is a playback of his discourses. In these discourses, he explains in detail the Vipassana philosophy.   

 

At the start of the meditation course it is defined that in daily life, the following five precepts should be followed.

 

To abstain from killing any living being.

To abstain from stealing.

To abstain from sexual misconduct.

To abstain from wrong speech.

To abstain from all intoxicants.

 

It is stated that Vipassana is a method wherein we explore inside us, clean our minds, and become better people. After we cleanse and better ourselves, we can help in guiding others. The Guru Jee and the teachers guide us in the process. But it is only we, who have to work on ourselves as per the guidelines from them. It is like an operation of the mind. We have to do it ourselves. We must first empty our minds of our existing beliefs and values for the duration of the 10-day course. We have to listen to them and follow their directions. At the end of the course, we would be able to make up our minds about what to follow and how to conduct ourselves.

 

Being born in a Sanatan Dharam family, and having some knowledge of the religion as everybody related to this religion knows, my mind was accordingly stuffed. Although Guru Jee was not dismissive of Sanatan Dharam processes and procedures directly in his discourses, I could understand that he was taking a different path. I felt this to be a type of brain wash leading me onto a path not followed in Sanatan Dharma. I listened to the sermon but my mind was revolting. Guru jee said in the sermon to clean out our minds before undertaking the Vipassana meditation process. My belief was so strong that the thoughts would come back rushing to my mind every moment. Anyway, I decided to continue to keep my eyes closed and meditate as advised but my mind was not getting in control. My mind was still full of beliefs and accepted practices. After about thirty minutes my right leg calf muscle started aching. I found it difficult to continue sitting like this. I had to move my leg and stretch it a little bit. My pain eased. The closing prayer appeared on the loudspeakers. The teacher announced a ten-minute break. I was off to my room. I thought it was over now for the meditation session. The next item on my agenda was to take my morning shower.

 

At about 9.30 AM, as I was about to go for my shower, there was a knock on my room door. I opened the door to find the assistant teacher facing me. I looked at him. He said, “Go to the meditation hall”. I rushed to the hall as directed. I found everyone seated and meditating in the hall. I took my seat and started meditating. Just then I heard the teacher call “Bal”. I got stressed. I thought that the teacher would rebuke me. I got up. Then I heard the teacher call the names of four more students. This released my stress. We went before the teacher. He motioned for us to sit down. He questioned us, one by one, about how we were able to observe the breathing in and breathing out at the nostril area. This is called “Aanapana”. I replied that I was able to observe my breathing without any difficulty. He then asked us to meditate before him for five minutes. We all did that. Then he asked us to go to our own seats and continue the meditation there. At 10.30 AM we were given the option of continuing the meditation there or having it in our own rooms. I went to my room. I took a shower. It was getting close to 11 AM. I heard the bell ring and made my way to the dining hall. For lunch, the menu consisted of some type of vegetable soup and some green leafy vegetables. I served myself some of those with some grated carrots. There were several other items that I did not take. That was my lunch. I was resigned to having lunch that way through the course. 

 

12 PM was the designated time for students to book time with the teacher. This one-to-one meeting with the teacher is meant to clear doubts cropping up in their minds and to ask questions. I still did not know what to ask. My mind was still foggy and overloaded with my previous beliefs.  Although some students went back to the meditation hall at 1 PM, I exercised my option and stayed in my room. At 2.30 PM, I went to the hall for the next meditation session. On my way to the meditation hall, I came across the assistant teacher. I requested him for the back support in the hall. He immediately provided me with the same. It was now more comfortable sitting down cross-legged. The meditation started. My experience was very similar to the one from the morning session. The calf muscles again troubled me. I stretched it the same way to give me some relief. My mind continued to have conflicting thoughts. After the one hour session, we were free to continue meditating in the hall or in our rooms. I took my room option. I did not meditate in my room and the conflicting thoughts in my mind continued. At 5 PM it was tea time. I saw most take an apple and banana and tea. I copied them. The fruit was just out of cold storage. I somehow took both the apple and the banana and topped it with a cup of tea. That was to be the last meal for the day. At 6 PM I was back in the meditation hall. It was a repeat of the post-lunch session. At 7 PM after a short break of ten minutes, the video discourse by Guru Jee started. It was about 70 minutes long. Guru Jee explained the salient features and gains of the Vipassana technique to us, with interesting examples. (If anyone is interested in listening to his day 1 discourse, it is available on YouTube.)

 

At the end of the discourse, it was another half an hour of meditation. At 9 PM, it was over and we were free to go to our rooms. For me, I had somehow completed Day I. At about 9.30 PM, I was in bed. Soon after I slept. Day one was over.

 

Day 2 onwards will be covered in Part 3.